Monday, August 14, 2006

Not A 100% Guarantee


“Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.—Napoleon Bonaparte


From an Article by Alessandra Rizzo

In a wide-ranging interview with German television broadcast Sunday, the pontiff spoke of Europe's role in Christianity, secularization in the Western world as well as the growing importance of churches in Africa and Latin America.


“So, Ratso, tell me the plan. ”

“Well, it looks like we gotta get all these people in the emerging countries scared before they figure out that there's nothing supernatural or magic going on here. Make them believe that they'll all burn in hell if they lay a finger on us. Tell only we can be the intermediator for their sins. Then we can tithe them. If only it weren’t for all those pederasty lawsuits against priests, we'd be doin’ pretty good right about now. We need this gig.”

“Sounds good. Do you think it will work? I mean converting the heathen.”

“It’s worked for over 2000 years already, at least in the Catholic church.”

“What about the muslims?”

“Oh, shut up.”

1 comment:

SteelCommander said...

Oh, come on.

Yes, Ratzo was a Nazi. And, yes, he's probably the one who doped John Paul I's Mountain Dew when the whole Vatican Bank thing went nuclear.

But cut him some slack, please. So far, he's misstep-free and 5-by-5 in-the-pipeline with the Last-Pope-Before-Armageddon plan. His predecessor, however charismatic, screwed the pooch by undermining the Doctrine of Papal Bulletproofness, thereby giving aid and comfort to those who still believe the Seven Daggers of Meggido might yet turn the trick. That puts much more pressure on Ratzo, even though he retains the Cloak of Invisibility and the Goat-Prod of the Bloodied Innocents Who Were Lied to for Effect.

He's still vulnerable, of course, since the original 3-page Aramaic manuscript of the "The Holy Bible -- a Brief Tract on Dietary Purity, with Poems" was seized and hidden by the Waffen SS back in '42. Yet, there is hope that he will be protected by the "Left-Nut-of-Job-in-Amber" which he wears as an abstinence device/genital talisman.

Bottom line: You can't convert Muslims, and you can't control the spiritual destiny of mankind from a 43-acre Italian theme park with sovereign immunity. But, as far as I'm concerned, Ratzo is "Popelicious" -- the very Gary Oldman of rodent-eyed, shrivel-souled holiness.

Some decent deference is due this man/god/demigogue/MLM con artist, and attention must be paid.