Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Passage Of Time

“Fast away the old year passes, Hail the new, ye lads and lasses.” —Welsh Carol

It seems only fair to note the old year’s passing and wish it good riddance. Not much good has come of this past year. Humanity should be just a little further along on its path to righteousness. But it would seem that even the religious are far from righteous. More like self-righteous. Maybe if we outlawed religion and concentrated on being human we might overcome our natural animal tendencies to break commandments and commit the seven deadly sins. To cease being hypocrites.

What’s that?

Oh, Never mind.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

An Officer And A Gentleman

“Honor and shame from no condition rise. Act well your part: there all the honor lies.
—Alexander Pope

President Gerald R. Ford died the day after Christmas, 2006.

A kinder, gentler president this country never had. To look on the smiling visage of the young naval officer in 1944 one would never surmise that he would be vaulted into the presidency over a series of bizarre occurrences, handed a can of worms by the country and ridiculed by a man who would create his career by performing pratfalls at the president’s expense.

He had to be a big man to pardon the Machiavellian monster, R.M. Nixon simply to get on with the business of state. He was lucky to get out of Washington intact. He may have been the last honorable president this country ever had.

The good, the innocent, the naive, the sincere are often duped or betrayed by those who survive them.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love The War

It’s really quite easy, you know. One only needs to make believe that it’s a movie. A cartoon of life if you will. Lately it has taken on absurd overtones with the Baker/Hamilton Commission’s six-month study that came up with absolutely nothing new, and absolutely nothing that will be acted upon by our current president. So much wasted time.

And now the president, who was originally going to assess the situation and tell America what he intends to do, has decided to postpone any comment on what his actions might be until after the new year. Given the current scenario. we won’t know anything until next November.

Friday, December 08, 2006

You Spent Six Months Studyin' Iraq And You Want Me To What? You Must Think I’m Crazy!

“It is a short walk from the hallelujah to the hoot.—Vladimir Nabokov

Does anyone in their right mind think for one moment that George W. Bush is going to pay attention to what the Iraq study group advises? I think it just might have been a six-month stall by the administration. Regardless of what Bush says, we're not leaving Iraq in our lifetime.

And I don’t care what you call it, ”Cut and run,” ”The way forward,” or “Profit in confusion.” It still means,
“Staying the course.” Because the only person who can change this course in the next two years it Dubya hisself. And I don't think the decider has decided anything since he got us into Iraq.

We won't leave even if it means killing every last one of their civilians and evey last one of our soldiers. Does the term “meat” strike a familiar note? Every week we get blown up driving around Baghdad.

“What did you do in Baghdad, daddy?”

“I drove around in my HumVee looking for the enemy until he blew us up with a roadside bomb and we got killed and maimed.”

That's either a noble cause or a stupid idea, and I have a hunch which.

Has it occurred to anyone that the administration really wants us to stay in Iraq. Don't we need the oil? Why would we be building 16 new bases there. Why are there almost as many civilian contractors there as ground troops? And where is all that money going that is unaccounted for? Why am I asking stupid question?

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Jack D.Ripper Confides In Mandrake

Ripper: The base is being put on Condition Red. I want this flashed to all sections immediately.
Mandrake: (deferentially) Condition Red, sir, yes, jolly good idea. That keeps the men on their toes.
Ripper: Group Captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise.
Mandrake: Not an exercise, sir?
Ripper: ...It looks like we're in a shooting war.
Mandrake: (politely irritated) Oh hell. Are the Russians involved, sir?
Ripper: ...It just came in on the Red Phone. My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, and that's what I mean to do, seal it tight. Now, I want you to transmit plan R, R for Robert, to the wing. Plan R for Robert...It looks like it's pretty hairy...Now last, and possibly most important - I want all privately-owned radios to be immediately impounded...They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs. —Dr. Strangelove, or how I stopped worrying and learned to love the bomb.

What on earth makes a man do things to another man, be it brutally ignominious or kind. Seems like he’s always trying to get a leg up, as they say. Or as a dog might to prove who’s the top dog. Maybe it's just the pervasive pursuit of power.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Let’s Win One For The Ripper!

“I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself for years. None of you ever knew Jack D. Ripper. It was long before your time. But you all know what a tradition he is at Air Force.

And the last thing he said to me, "George," he said, "sometime, when the team is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell 'em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Ripper."

"I don't know where I'll be then, George", he said, "but I'll know about it; and I'll be happy." —George W. Bush inciting his troops

Once in great while, truly heroic steps must be taken to preserve our American way of life and our values, not to mention our precious bodily fluids. Even though we appear to be straying from the course by paying lip-service to modifying our position in Iraq, in reality, not one damn thing has changed. It’s not likely toever.

Friday, December 01, 2006

OK. So What If I Did It? I Did. Doh!

A totally amazed O.J. Simpson caught himself for murder today. He reeanacted the two mysterious thumps on the poolhouse wall, while a blindfolded Kato Kaylin once again proclaimed, “That’s it! That's what I heard. I really wasn't stoned!”

Simpson then proceeded to demonstrate how he brutally slaughtered his wife Nicole and her bandanna-wearing waiter friend, Ron Goldman, while singing the Umpa Lumpa song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

“Yeah, I did it.I did it and I'm glad! I knew I'd find him on a golf course,” said the victorious Simpson.

Simpson’s attorney, Johnny Cochran couldn't be reached for comment.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Al Maliki Decides To Get Out Of Iraq

“Now the fact that terrorists throughout the world see this as an opportunity to defeat the United States, we have to be - and every Democratic candidate, even those who opposed us going in, now say we just simply can't cut and run.—Al D'Amato

In a surprise move,
Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki stated that, since the United States would not get out of Iraq until its mission there propping up his puppet government was accomplished, he was moving his troops and fledgling government to Phoenix, Arizona.

Speaking to George W. Bush who appeared to him in a vision as a bouquet of daisies and roses, Al Maliki asked if he could have the window seat on the way to America.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Wiz You Is, Or Wiz You Ain't?

“The Democratic ethics package will break the link between lobbyists and legislation, where well-connected special interests write legislation that cost consumers more at the pharmacy and gas pump." —Nancy Pelosi

After hearing this, most members of congress could be seen laughing up their sleeves. Some were observed carrying large bags of what appeared to be money from their offices in the capitol to their chauffer-driven limos while muttering something like “...rather be safe than sorry.”

Others were heard to say, “I'll believe this when I see it,” and “...over my dead body!”

Monday, November 27, 2006

Very Open Thread

I dunno. I been runnin' around and not gettin' much done.

Puttin' up Xmas lights and taken the down and gettin' pissed off because nothing works like it should. I'll post again soon, but even civil war in Iraq isn't enough to get my attention at the moment. Guess that's just about as jaded and hollow I feel right now. There's a lot of crap right here at home (and I don't mean my house) that's wrong.

Most people are worse off, I know. That pisses me off too. Good thing not many people read this crap.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Turkey Begs For Pardon, Earns $14 The Hard Way

“Pride slays thanksgiving, but an humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.
—Henry Ward Beecher

As usual, a number of perps were brought before the chief executive to appeal their case. Usually the president picks the prettiest one with the best excuse as to why he shouldn’t be eviserated and eaten.

A number of soldiers in attendance at the White House tried to plead with the president to alter his stance on the war in Iraq, but with his typical resolve and pride in what he considers his moral obligation, refused their petitiion and send them to Baghdad reiterating that, even though “we’re not staying the course,” we are indeed not leaving Iraq but changing in the way we stay the course. Many present were seen scratching their heads. The president had a quizical expression on his face and asked if anyone had a cigarette.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

McCain Gains Ground, Loses Soul

“Don't sell your soul to buy
peanuts for the monkeys.
—Dorothy Salisbury Davis

In an effort to head off a two-year-early sprint for the presidency by Rudy Guiliani, Senator John McCain’s face split open on an old scar and produced Satan.

According to Peter Brown of Yahoo News, “the Democratic takeover makes it much more likely Republican John McCain will be the next president of the United States.”

Shortly before the arival of his satanic majesty, McCain can be seen in what would appear to be extreme agony.

“It’s amazing his teeth didn’t break,” said a bystander speaking from the Capitol, “I could smell sulfur the way it was after Bush spoke at the UN. I've never seen a man in the process of losing his soul before.”

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Many Are Chosen, But Few Are Called

“No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.—Mark Twain

Right behind McCain with even a bigger polling share of the Republican candidates at 27% is Rudy Guiliani. Looks like he's throwing his hat into the ring. I have no idea why an ex-mayor who rode the coat tails of the 9/11 catstrophe to some sort of perceived fame as a leader of men would ever do such a thing.

Here's a guy who shacked up with his mistress in the mayor’s residence while his wife was living out of a suitcase in a hotel room during the period of time he was busily divorcing her. Now he thinks he has a mandate to be president. Who's wearing the tinfoil hat? Vanity has no limits when it comes to love and politics...oh yeah, and war.

“Good thing they called us and gave us the heads-up before they imploded WTC Seven. Whooeee! That was close
! Otherwise I might not be here to collect on the good vibes. Look at me! The first Eye-talian American president! Columbus be praised,” said Guiliani. “Who's your god-poppa?”

Monday, November 13, 2006

McCain Gets Off To A Quick Start

“A fool and his money are soon elected.—Will Rogers

Senator John McCain from Arizona got an early start to his 2008 presidential campaign by meeting with Lobbyists in the nation’s capitol today. Clamoring for attention, lobbyists thrust stacks of money out to an exuberant McCain who was eager to take them up on their zealous outpouring of financial largesse. Signing chits and I.O.U.s promising to honor their special interest requests, McCain easily took in $3 to 4$ million dollars in the first fifteen minutes.
“I can't believe how easy this is,” said McCain. “This beats the hell out of merely bringing pork to Arizona. It’s like taking candy from a taxpayer! And I can keep what I don't spend! Woohoo!”

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

November 6, Tornado Anniversary Issue, Newburgh, IN

“Today, the technology is there to give early and normally ample warning when a powerful tornado approaches. When a tornado strikes, all of us are at risk.” —Spencer Bachus

It doesn’t have to be Oklahoma where the wind come whistlin’ down the plain. It comes roarin’ through Indiana as well. The house on the left side of the photo wth the silvery tarp is mine. At least I had some sort of roof to put a tarp over. No shingles, a few less windows and a lot fewer trees.

The tornado, an F-3, struck our house at a few minutes after 2:00 AM. There we're no warnings. The trail was some 40+ miles long, 3/4 of a mile wide, moved at 60 mph and spared very little in its path. My wife and the two cats came through just fine thanks to my daughter-in-law who called in a warning right before it hit enabling her to get to the first floor powder room just as the windows blew out. An event like this really lets you know who your friends are. Sometimes even strangers are better friends.

I’d always wanted to see a tornado. Morbid curiosity. Trouble was, I was in Pennsylvania when it hit. I content myself with the idea that the “FINGER OF GOD” wasn't looking for me.

It’s been a year, most of the houses in the area have either been repaired, razed and rebuilt, or remain vacant lots. Really miss those big tulip poplar trees and the fall color of the sweet gums that used to populate the back yard. Lost about ten really big ones.

Bought a big sun-sail to block off the summer sun. What used to be in shade by about 3:00 PM doesn’t get shade until the sun goes down.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Kim Jong Il Declares War on U.S.

“You and I may not be brilliant strategists, but we should all know that the best defense is a good offense.—Nguyen Cao Ky

In a surprise move, North Korea’s Kim Jong Il declared war on the United States today.

“You not the only people who can start a preemptive war.” said Kim. “We consider you big threat. We know United States is working on nuclear weapons and WMD gas. You already have plenty. We pretty good, too, you bet. We fight you long time. We will stay the course and we will win. You stuck in Iraq, you bunch of dummies. I have Long Dong missles, Double Dong missles and Typo Dong missle which is always misspelled.”

American President, George W. Bush who was vacationing in Vice President Cheney’s undisclosed location, could not be reached for comment but is expected to do something when he returns to Washington from that place where he went on his way back from Florida on September 11, 2001.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Kerry Exxonerated (sic). Troops Prove It.

“Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
—John Stuart Mill

As if to prove John Kerry correct, members of the U.S. armed services stationed in Iraq petitioned John Kerry in a Katrina-like plea for help. Judging by their banner, it’s obvious that the level of spelling in the armed services is about 2nd or 3rd grade.

The group pictured above are from the 109th Exxon-Mobil Presidential Pipeline Guard which represent approximately 95% of our forces on the ground in Iraq.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Tony Takes A Leak

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if
it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
” —George Burns
In a tearful confession, White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow, admitted today that Ari Fleischer, no Scott McClellan, no he himself was responsible for the series of leaks that have ruined the trust of the public for George W. Bush’s administration. He told in great detail how his predecessor, Scott McClellan, was instrumental in what everyone now thinks was the fault of VP Dick Cheney’s chief of staff, Irving “Scooter” Libby, blowing the whistle in the Valerie Plame CIA leak. “Armatige was only trying to cover for his friends. He was gone anyway when they threw him under the bus.”

Obviously a chronic alcoholic, Snow kept jesturing to the press corps with his hand holding what apeared to be a double martini. The drink kept sloshing out, but it was apparent that he'd already had more than enough to produce the first truthful press conference in the last six years. Occassionaly he would pause to refill his glass from a pitcher beneath the podium, muttering something that sounded like, “Get off my lawn. Oh, these hands are so filthy.”

When he admitted that it was he who had leaked the classified report regarding the tracing of bank records of the terrorists, he broke into tears and announced he was resigning but to hang around as either Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity would be taking over as press secretary. “They’re both better men than I,” Snow choked. “Both great Americans.”

Thereupon, he produced some birch limbs and proceeded to flagelate himself wimpering, “Mea culpa, mea culpa, I'm not worthy. ” Then he appologized profusely some fifteen times, wet his pants and vomited on “OK, you,” in the corp’s front row.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The President’s Pimp

“A conservative is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits.” —Woodrow Wilson

Mr. Twister is at it again. And his ass is getting broader and broader from too little thinking and too much sitting. First he attacks Michael J. Fox. He does not appologize. (He might if you can prove he was wrong.) Then he continues to defend himself from even his own ilk, thinking that he might finally have gone too far.

For over a week now he been trying to get it to sound convincing. It's still a bit off. Now he keeps insisting that Kerry has insulted the troops and is trying to wiggle out of it. Insists that the troops deserve an appology. Yes, he didn't make the joke work, really didn't try to clarify any possible misinterpretation. So Rush can hammer away on how much liberals and democrats hate the troops with impunity.

Rush Limburger stinks as bad as the cheese he's named for. He is the most devisive person in America. And he's the only person who wins because he can sell products to 13.5 million listeners.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Newt Gingrich, Hypocrite

“Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.—Carl Jung

This guy has got a few brass cajones. Huevos the size of eggplants. Serves divorce papers to his wife in her hospital bed while she dying of cancer!

Smart as a whip, but dumb as a box of door knobs. Who the hell is he to lecture anyone on anything?

Look at that face. Only an asshole so full of himself could look at a camera without believing he was better than the photographer.

Come at me with that banana, Newt. I dare ya!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Duality, Janus or Jekyll and Hyde

“It is by no means certain that our individual personality is the single inhabitant of these our corporeal frames... We all do things both awake and asleep which surprise us. Perhaps we have cotenants in this house we live in.” —Oliver Wendell Holmes

He was incredibly successful at denying his urges to bite the heads off his staff. After all, he was the president. He roamed the halls of the White House and stared at the pictures of past presidents. He prayed for guideance, he prayed for this country, he prayed for all the young soldiers that he's sent into harms way. He asked people to pray withhim. He was sober. He was drunk. Both with power and with drink. With misfiring synapses and with drugs. There was no truth like a lie and no lie like the truth.

He surprised even himself when he resigned.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

So, What You Think Now?

“Pride and excess bring disaster for man.—Xun Zi

“It furthers one to squat and wait for incoming. The ting is empty. It furthers one to bite the big one. No blame.” —I Ching

Most strange and wonderful the inscrutible eastern mind. It's as if a puzzle were in play eternally. If only we could find that one piece lost beneath a corner of the carpet in the living room.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

How Mohammed Found Enlightenment

“Wine makes a man more pleased with himself;
I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others.
—Samuel Johnson

Above is a depiction of either a young Foster Brooks, or an aging Mohammed.

He happened to be passng the hashish smokers’ den when an overpowering thirst and urge to partake of the grape assaulted him.

“I've already written the Quran,” he thought, “I got nothing else to do.”

He was tired of walking the straight and narrow. Tired of preaching that it was the Islamist’s duty to kill the infidels. Tired of preaching that people should not drink alcohol, eat pork chops or help one's wife cook, clean or take care of the baby. For the life of him, he couldn't remember why he had ever thought of those things as bad. No, in one moment of weakness, he gave in to the urge, and got shit-faced.

When he awoke the next morning in the gutter, awash with the former contents of his stomach, he was distraught at ever having had such a lapse of character. He decided that no one should ever be forced to go through what he was experiencing.

A young woman on her way to the well to draw water saw him lying there, picked him up and took him home. She made him a breakfast of sausage, bacon and eggs. She looked deep into his eyes. She said she loved him. She put him in a pit. He was there until he died. Screaming.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Foley Demands Hastert’s Resignation

During a fun game of “Wack-A-Mole,” Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert playfully attempts to get the best of his good friend, Ex-Congressman, Mark Foley.

After losing the game, Foley said, “My mind really wasn’t in the game. I must have been thinking about someone... ...something ...a drink. Oh, yeah, and Dennis knew I was gay and just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm NOT a pedophile. Everybody knows that soliciting sex on the internet with a minor IS a crime. My friend Hastert SHOULD resign. He knew about this years ago. I was just too good bringing in the big bucks for the Republican Party and he wanted me here, the big adorable lug.”

Hastert chuckled and said, “I'd like another side of beef, please.”

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Torture is Good, The End Justifies The Means and My Country, Right Or Wrong

Dear Sir,

We have been keeping an eye on you for some time now and at the direction of the President, at whose pleasure we serve, we have been instructed to perform an extreme rendition upon your person. Pay no attention to that white van across the street from your house. You will know soon enough that it does not belong to the electric company. We have tapped your phone line and have access to your computer files. The mere fact that you are reading this page is proof enough of your dastardly and traitorous ways. We know who you are, we saw what you did and we have nothing but your best interests at heart, believe me.

The President has taken a solemn oath and sees fit to protect the citizens of our great nation from all enemies, foreign and domestic. In order to do that, it is necessary to temporarily suspend all the rights guaranteed to you by the Constitution of The United States. That is why we have already rendered the Constitution obsolete. After all, to quote our president, “it’s only an old piece of paper!”

We have manufactured evidence that you are a subversive liberal with communist tendencies and are a card carrying member of the terrorist organization, AlQaeda. We'd like to know how you got that card. And we'd like to know the names of all your AlQaeda friends, like your mom and them. In order to obtain this information, you will be flown to Uzbekistan on an all expense paid vacation, where one of our friends with less compunctions about severe torture will have a little talk with you, Hey, none of our doing. We can't help it if they are a little less civilized than we guys with the white hats. Besides, you brought this on yourself. I'm told even their president delights in boiling people alive. Be sure to pack a swim suit with long pants, as the Uzbeks are very modest. Their mullahs often murder any citizens (like their soccer team) who wear shorts. And be sure to take your boogie board, surfboard or water board. Surf’s up, dude!

Good Luck!

Yours sincerely,

General Michael V. Hayden, USAF
Director, Central Intelligence Agency

Saturday, September 30, 2006

“Do I Make You A Little Horny?” —Mark A. Foley

“There is at least one criminal on the Internet as we're speaking, and at least one criminal pedophile. Why? Because they existed before the Internet existed.” —Eric Schmidt

Our elected officials are mortals in oh so many ways. Not all of them are by any means good or altruistic. It’s a very, very sick world we live in.

Will we continue to elect thieves and pedophiles, egomaniacal Napoleans and perverts to public office for ever? Is there an alternative?

I don't care how much Mark Foley goes to church, (and evidently he doesn't, which is in his favor unless he worships Baal, the goat-boy) or that he defends the rights of the battered, abused and exploited children upon which he preys. This guy is one bent buckaroo.

And we always thought of him as such a quiet young man.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Congress Makes It Official

“The torture of a bad conscience is the hell of a living soul.” —John Calvin

Of course that doesn’t apply to the Bush has no conscience for all it’s sanctimony and certainly no soul or morality. It is now legal to torture human beings if President Bush says it is. We have become about as low as any other pompous, fearful society when it comes to the treatment of our fellow human beings.

I hear Rush wailing that these people are not citizens and that therefore they don't deserve the same protection as we do under the Geneva Conventions. To that I say, ”Bullshit!” As Americans, don't we need to maintain a higher moral standard? If we descend to their level, doesn’t that make us as bad if not worse than them? I find that killing people, without regard to their guilt or innocense, before they might kill
you to be madness. It is morally bankrupt. And pure bomber pilot mentality. If you don't see it, you can pretend it never happened.

Might does make right. I just hope we never lose. I can tell you the administration is looking after itself. They just better not travel to the Hague anytime soon.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Bush Huffs Aeresol Can Of Whipped Cream, Nearly Explodes

“After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.” —Friedrich Nietzche

Shortly before arriving at the UN for his address, President Bush’s motocade stopped at a grocery store in Harlem and purchased a can of RediWhip. The president proceded to “huff” the vapor and was observed growing very red in the face.

Iran’s President Ahmadinejad, already at the UN stated that George Bush should pledge to stop this practice. Iran has pledged to cease urnaium enrichment if Bush stops huffing nitrous oxide.

Friday, September 15, 2006

The Unkindest Cut Of All

“Integrity has no need of rules. —Albert Camus

Finally someone stands up to the president. I always figured Colin Powel was his own man even though he was the President's Secretary of State. He didn't always seem to agree, however. That Powell was disenchanted with George W. Bush became obvious when Powell left that position. It's hard to be your own man and someone else’s lackey.

I admire Powell for condemning Bush’s plan. Someone with as much disregard for our troops as Bush who sends them into harm’s way in Iraq on a bunch of trumped-up prevarications certainly doesn't care if they are captured and treated the same barbaric way we treat prisoners and enemy combatants we deprive of their rights as guaranteed by the Geneva conventioins.

Using the same yardstick, I can’t see why he should have any compunctions about CIA interogators being tried for war crimes under article 3 of the conventions unless he’s afraid it might apply to him for condoning the felony that violating article 3 mandates.

Powell was a soldier. Bush just played one on TV.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Good Morning, America...

’I do think there's a big move away from actual reporting,
trying to report facts.”
—Laura Bush

Then there's E.D. Hill, AKA Tarbox from Pittsburgh, by way of who knows where, adding her pro Bush rant two cents on the Fox and Friends network with Steve Doocy and Brian Weasel-face Kilmeade. It’s early in the AM and I'm at the gym watching CNN with Robin Meade

& Company but there are 8 TVs and one is tuned to FOX. There are some things about the news that you just can't escape, not matter how you try to hide. And when you hear them AND see them, you want to scream. Fortunately I can do 3 miles on the stair-stepper and sweat out my bile before I have to throw up.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Charlie Don’t Surf

“The real use of gunpowder is to make all men tall.” Thomas Carlyle.

Neither does Osama.

An interesting juxtaposition of photos, I thought. Some small men struggling for stature think that blowing shit up is the way to solve their inferiority complexes. Some buy a red Ferrari if they can afford one. Others have to dress up like powerful warlords, beat women or demean
someone. Ya can't always see it coming but the swagger generally gives it away.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Try To Remember The Kind Of September...

When life was slow and oh so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of september,
When grass was green and grain was yellow.

Try to remember the kind of september,
When you were a tender and callow fellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow . . .

Try to remember when life was so tender,
That no one wept except the willow,
Try to remember when life was so tender,
That dreams were kept beside your pillow.

Try to remember when life was so tender,
That love was an ember about to billow,
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow . . .

Deep in december it's nice to remember,
Although you know the snow will follow.
Deep in december it's nice to remember,
Without a hurt the heart is hollow.

Deep in december it's nice to remember,
The fire of september that made us mellow.
Deep in december our heart's should remember,
And follow . . .

...and after you endulge yourself and dwell on it for a while, get your ass up and take care of business instead of wallowing in self pity.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Sauce For The Goose

I was listening to Rush. My mistake. He was pomposifying about how even though the ABC “docu-drama” “Path to 9/11” doesn't tell the truth, i.e. casts up the past in specifics which are not necessarily true (see...the disclaimers say so), it does capture the nebulous fact that the dems had blown it on our safety back with Clinton. (They're cowards, doncha know.)

So I said to myself, what about George W. Bush's National Guard records? The ones that Dan Rather put together? They were bogus, but they actually pointed out the truth of the situaltion. The guy dodged the draft and I'd say pretty damn well. So well in fact no one knew where the hell he was during the last year of his enlistment.

Friday, September 08, 2006

What Time Does The Balloon Go Up?

“What terrorism finally winds up saying to us is that you can't live in a world that bends some people so totally out of shape that they want to destroy themselves and anybody who gets in their way.” —John Shelby Spong
I am in a quandry. Some would have us believe that there is not way to stop the annihilation of our culture short of “killing them all” and annihilating their culture. That there is no way these “radical islamists” would be able to engage in meaninful dialogue so that we might both coexist. The radical right in this country wants it this way. They say to believe we have a chance for meaningful conversation is to hide our heads in the sand. To appease the enemy.

Well I've got some news for them. The only way to stop our annihilation is to talk to these people and FIND some common ground. I know they’re rattling their sabres but so are we. The bravado expressed in their statements that they would like to kill us all is an integral part of their posturing. We, of course do the same. Logically we have to kill them all, otherwise they will kill us all. Only we can't seem to find them to get the job done.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Nature 1, Steve Irwin 0

I had seen birth and death but had thought they were different. —T. S. Eliot


It would appear that this is about the freakiest accident that could ever befall someone who always went looking for trouble.

I hope someone has the presence of mind to contact the Guiness Book of World Records on this one. Steve Irwin in all likelihood is the only person ever to be killed by suffering a stingay's poisonous spine through the heart. It’ll be a long time before anyone comes close to this record.

He was one unlucky bloke, in the end.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

“Come Into My Parlor...

...said the spider to the fly.”

Ask him if he’s better off than he was 4 years ago. In fact ask just about anybody if they’re better off than they were 4 years ago.

And having entered the parlor, we find ourselves stuck on flypaper with no way out. The spider isn't gonna eat us, but neither will he let us go. So we pretend we're doing something other than having our soldiers drive around until they’re eventually blown up by an IED. If the Iraqis aren’t ready by now to take on the security of their country, they never will be. We train marines to fignt in about 14 weeks. Officers take a little longer. I think the Iraqis’ time is up.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Empty Threats: Are They Half Empty Or Half Full?

“A traitor is everyone who does not agree with me.”
—George III

Iranian President, Mahmood Ahmadinejad dropped by the Whitehouse during a press conference this morning. President Bush was surprised no more than Vice President Cheney when Ahmadinejad asked what Bush meant when he said, “From now on, underwear will be worn on the outside.”

Bush obviously flustered and surprised, hesitated for a moment, then said. “I never said that.”

“Aha!” rejoined Ahmadinejad, “Then you have been furnishing atomic weapons to Israel! What are their peaceful purposes for these WMDs? I thought you said that every country has a right to defend itself. That's all we want to do, O ye of little faith.”

“Well you’ve got to show us the Nuke-u-lar weapons you don't have,” said Bush.

Ahmadinejad turned out his pockets, pulled down his pants and said, “There, I don’t have any.”

”You’re lying,” said Bush. “Everyone knows you've got ’em. We sold hundreds of WMDs to the Shah. You’re working on enriching uranium. You gotta cut that out or we invade next week!”

“Mission accomplished.” said Ahmadinejad running across the White House lawn, “Woo, woo! See ya next week!”

Monday, August 21, 2006

This Is NOT A Test

“A lie told often enough becomes the truth.” —Vladimir Lenin

There are some people out there with nothing better to do than lie to the American people. Consistently. They are not unlike the ailens in a Twilight Zone episode who carried a book titled “How to Serve Man,” originally believed to be a philanthropic work but which upon further translation proved to be a cookbook.

The German people believed Hitler, until after the war. The Italians believed Il Duce, until after the war. The Americans believed George Bush before the war, but are having a problem with him now. 51% used to believe him when he was elected. That toatal (depending upon whose poll you believe) is anywhere from 33% to 40%. I wouldn’t call that a mandate for anything. He’s getting angry because he’s not telling us the truth.He can't make the lie stick. It’s called frustration. He’s barely coherent. He's ignoring his advisors whom everyone believed would save us from his stupidity.

I don’t think that even George W. Bush knows that he’s being lied to.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

It's In The Eye Of The Beholder

“I think you're going to find out that westerns will be coming back. It's Americana, it's part of our history, the cowboy, the cattle drive, the sheriff, the fight for law, order and justice. Justice will always prevail as far as I'm concerned.” —Clayton Moore

These were the days when no one yet knew anything and the government could pull the wool over just about everyone's eyes. The great communicator, a B movie western actor caught the nation's fancy with straight talk, undyed hair, a failing mind and a ventriloquist named Nancy. His failing mind would save his administration a collosal embarrassment and a number of upper level administrators their careers.

If you believe in the right-wingnut conservative media, you'd think Reagan was George Washington, William Wallace and Jesus Christ all rolled into one sweet smelling ball. Unfortunately, the words, “I don’t recall,” though prophetic at the time, served the nation poorly when it came resolving justice regarding the Iran/Contra scandal.

He sure did look good, though.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Now Watch This Trick!

“Once annihilate the quackery of government, and the most homebred understanding might be strong enough to detect the artifices of the state juggler that would mislead him. —William Godwin

This morning, President Bush appeared at a White House news conference with three red balls. While fielding questions from the press corps, Bush adroitly kept the three balls airborne.

He reminisced about the “soft ball” questions he used to take on the chin from Gary Guckert, and complained that even though Helen Thomas is a woman, she plays hardball.

He then challenged anyone in the crowd to a game of three-card-monty for 3 trillion dollars just to show he's got the best interests of the U.S. Treasury at heart. There were no takers, but a Chinese gentleman motioned him toward the cloakroom just off the Oval Office.

When asked about his wiretaps and spying upon U.S. citizens being declared illegal, Bush merely winked and stated that it really didn't matter what the court said. He wasn’t going to cease and desist as he'd been reassured by Alberto Gonzalez, performing a job no American would do, that everything was legal.

“Screw them,” he said. “If Reagan and Ollie can sell weapons to Iran and use the money to finance the Contras, I can spy on all y'all.”