Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I guarantee he speaks for all conservatives, all the noble Americans who espouse life, liberty and the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Yes, none other than Rush Phlegmball speaks for you, speaks for me. Not those long-haired maggot infested liberals who want to take over your country. Problem is it's their country too, and judging by the election last fall, about 56% of the entire country voted for the man Rush would like to fail. It would appear he wants the country to fail as well. What could a president possibly hope to gain by destroying his own country, I ask myself. Absolutely nothing. If Obama fails, we all fail. Oh, maybe not Rush. After all he's got his sweet deal and $400 million. He's also got a private jet and the Dominican Republic and all those wonderful boys are not that far away. If you've got money, who needs a country?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Conservatism equates with your basic preservation of a national system. Nationalism. You love your country. To the point that you will try to destroy anything that would attempt to change your myopic, narrow-minded view of the world. You have an opinion, and unfortunately for you, it is so limited in scope that you can and will not see the future. In other words, you are doomed.
You flounder about in your own excrement. You curse what is and pine for what you never had. You are alone with your greatest enemy, yourself...and you hate it worse than death.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Yes, it's official. Rush Limbaugh has decided to forgo his lucrative $400 million job as a talk show host behind the golden EIB microphone to join up with Somali youths in an effort to convince young Somalis to join the maritime recruitment movement of that country.
As the primary advocate for the conservative, capitalist lifestyle, Rush is expecting as many as seven recruits to be persuaded by his hyperbole and join his cause against the President of the United States and his vicious handling of innocent teenagers. Rush has suffered some disappointments lately, especially in the area of only being able to convince three people to wish failure for our new and untested president.
“I’m expecting to get a lot of mileage out of this one,” said Rush. “A few nautical miles, anyway.”
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
In a surprise move, Rush Limbaugh shocked the country by branding Barrack Obama a murderer for ordering the deaths of Somali Muslim pirates. The great windbag portrayed the pirates as teenage wannabe maritime recruiters for the country of Somalia. They only want to keep their country safe from invaders.
Rush maintains that the media would have proclaimed Bush a murderer for doing the same, so he sees nothing wrong with applying his aberrant logic to our current president's desire to end piracy on the high seas and save a captain's life.
I haven't heard Rush's solution to the problem, but I'm sure it has something to do with suing Al Gore for pushing global warming and paying ransom to the Somali teenagers out of his own swollen wallet.
Thanks, Rush. You're a saint.