Friday, December 03, 2010

The GOP Thinks You're Stupid. Well You've Proven Them Right Again!

This post contains very little satire.
John Boehner, drunk as usual.

As it turns out, way back when George Bush was president the groundwork was laid for a terrific ploy by the GOP to create a conundrum that would bamboozle the American people into such contrarian behavior that it makes one's head spin trying to figure out how they were able to pull it off.

No one in the Democratic party wanted the cuts back then, and even Republicans like John McCain said, “I cannot in good conscience support a tax cut in which so many of the benefits go to the most fortunate among us, at the expense of middle-class Americans who most need tax relief.” The key seems to lie in the fact that the cuts were mandated to expire in the second year of Obama's presidency creating a time-bomb of damned if you do, damned of you don't, which in either case leaves Democrats holding the bag and the Republicans holding the power.

Now in order to appear to uphold their principles the Democrats are forced to push through the tax cuts for the poor and the middle class at the expense of the ever-draining government coffers. They are ensnared in what Dan Bartlett, one Bush adviser stated, “The fact that we were able to lay the trap does feel pretty good, to tell you the truth.”

Pure chicanery. The canard here seems to be the fact that the GOP will not be able to save their richest friends form having to pay a little extra as they did in the Clinton era. However,  Warren Buffet admits,  "billionaires like me, do not create jobs, do not direct that jobs are created and the money we have makes no difference in job growth. We should be taxed!"Remember that the next time someone mentions "Trickle Down Economics."

Monday, November 22, 2010

Rush Limbaugh Versus The TSA

You may wonder why some one as famous and recognizable as Rush Limbaugh prefers to fly on private jets ( his own) rather than rub elbows with the common rabble of the American people with whom he shares so much and who love and admire him. It's pretty clear from these actual un-retouched photographs from the airport scanner Rush had to pass through on his way back from the Dominican Republic.

Other than the "heat" Rush is packing, it's obvious he doesn't pack much more in the way of a "package" other than his Oxycontin stash. I do see in his right hand pocket, however, the key to his safety deposit box where he keeps his Viagra to help him deal with "shrinkage."

Monday, November 08, 2010

Limbaugh Uses Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals To Push His Agenda Of Hate and Intolerance

Rush Limbaugh has embraced Alinsky's Rules for Radicals, using the tactics put forth for his own nefarious purposes. He especially embraces Rule#5:"Ridicule is mans most potent weapon." There is no defense, it's irrational. It's infuriating it also works as a key pressure point to force the enemy into concessions.

Extreme right-wing-nut types are radicals, too, and they use the same tactics to destroy the country. On purpose!

Saturday, October 02, 2010

The Other America Marches on Washington By Kyle-Anne Shiver

“Yes, folks, there are two Americas: the authentic America of community builders and the other America, made up of socialist group-thinkers, moochers, and no-accounts, many of them living off government grants or welfare checks.”
This is the crap, pun intended, that the wing-nuts want Americans to believe. That these destitute people, n'e'r do wells, if you please,  are being pig-slopped by big government.  The government sees fit to spend their money on people who are, OMG, forgive me, poor, needy and unemployed by the "small businesses” who would rather sit on their money than expand their businesses and hire workers, since "there's nothing in it for me."

There is something in this for the wealthy. The tax payers are investing in keeping the hoards of the destitute away from you door  and murdering you in your sleep.

The other America? Sorry. There is only one America, and I have the feeling you don't belong, Kyle-Ann Shriver. If you need to dissent this much, you should join AlQaida and do what your conscience dictates.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Rush Limbaugh. Big, Fat, Stinking Liar.

I have never seen anyone so worthy of hate in my life. An ego that dwarfs everything and defies all understanding. Posturing fool and buffoon. I can't wait til the democrats carry the day and prove him totally wrong. His new tactic which portrays all conservatives as "normal" people. This is know as "plain folks" propaganda. Learned that in high school about 1961.  He's already been through "glittering generalities" and"name calling."  He's almost out of tactics and can only hope the morons comprising the tea-bag movement don't catch on and stay stupid.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Blowhard And His Beard

Rush Limbaugh demonstrates his understanding of the universal symbol for lesbian sex.

Prior to this he demonstrated his understanding of male homosexual sex by flipping the camera  a two handed middle finger. During his post-nuptial celebration, Limbaugh also demonstrated his ability to dance by bumping and grinding his way out of his hotel suite with what he refers to as “Rush's Little Helpers,” his bottle of 200 mg Viagra® tablets.

Citing his independent scorekeeper on his correctness, Rush noted that he's always about 99.6 percent correct in as much as he never really says anything that is not some outlandish opinion or lie and could in no way be construed or misconstrued as the truth. He's only pronounced a few words wrong since his program started which accounts for the .4% discrepancy.

“I sure can talk some shit, though,” he observed.

He and his bride then retired to separate rooms.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

The Tolerance Of Our Great Country And The Guarantee By Our Constitution To Freedom Of Religion...

Of all religions, the Christian should of course inspire the most tolerance, 
but until now Christians have been the most intolerant of all men.”—Voltaire
 ...seem to be having a conflict with some people who believe this is not the land of the free and the home of the brave, but the land of the tea (party) and the home of the knave. The incredible intolerance of this movement against the freedom to practice religion as the worshipper sees fit, seems to be based on a long standing and incorrect belief that this country was founded and controlled and populated by white Anglo-Saxon Protestants of impeccable European extraction.

Led by none other than this man, Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich, product of a broken home and many sordid affairs and faux pas including asking his wife hospitalized and recovering from cancer surgery for a divorce, the movement thumbs their collective noses at the Constitution in favor of their esoteric beliefs that theirs is the only true God.

Hello?  Would you trust this man with your daughter or your religion...or for that matter your country? The problem with snake oil salesmen is not just the salesman himself, but what he puts into the product. It could be harmful or fatal if swallowed. Assholes like Gingrich don't come with a warning or the phone number of your local poison control center.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Laura Ingraham Masturbates On The Radio

Radio talk show host and self proclaimed conservative diva, Laura Ingraham fondled herself in public again. Laughing her way around the country on her book promotion tour, the opinionated purveyor of right wing nuttiness screeched her harpy harangues over the airwaves to her own great joy and satisfaction.

Not only did her lewd behavior entertain her faithful fan base, but it also allowed her a venue from which she could launch attacks on liberals because of the way they look, sweat, smell or sound. Her weapons of shrieks and cheap shots keep everyone in stitches.

If Laura thinks she's a wit, she may be half right.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Limbaugh Craves Wedded Bliss For The Fourth Time

Rush Limbaugh opens his whale-like maw to show the piece of raw meat he's chewing on to keep him from chewing his new bride.  Blind since birth, Rush's wife, the former Kathryn Rogers, decided to give up her guide dog in favor of Rush who likes to get down on all fours scamper around the bedroom barking like a doggy. Rush confided that he likes to drink out of the toilet and have "accidents" on the living room carpet. This is Rush's fourth attempt at married life. We all continue to wish him well and continued success. On the other hand, it may not take Kathryn that long to figure out why his first three wives left him and wound up with nice, fat alimony checks. God knows he can afford it.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Limbaugh Oinks His Way Back From His Honeymoon With An Attitude About Kids

Rush Limbaugh is uninformed, arrogant, ignorant and vicious. He thinks he is buying lunches for hungry children and hates it, yet he'll blow a million dollars to have Elton John sing at his wedding. What a disgusting, pompous, fat ass. It's not that parents are allowing their children to starve. It's merely that they cannot afford to feed them. Fat rich bastards like Rush couldn't possibly understand.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Obama Tells Rush Limbaugh To "Play With Himself!"

Wearing his semen encrusted golfing shorts, Rush Limbaugh stalks toward an intrepid photographer to demand the film from his digital camera. Rush has continued to play with himself, after President Obama denied him an opportunity to play golf  with him. Since his arrest bringing someone else's prescription  for Viagra into the country from the Dominican Republic, Rush has been seen repeatedly spanking his monkey on the golf course.

When reached for comment, Limbaugh began thrusting his pelvis, grunting, "Uhl, uhl, uhl!"

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Imbecilic Hoosier Republicans Nominate North Carolinian Lobbyist To Be Their Candidate For State Senator Senator In Fall Elections

In an unprecedented action, thousands of Hoosiers went to the polls in the primary elections to pick their candidates for all sorts of offices in this fall's election. Among the stupidest moves was the nomination of Dan Coats for GOP candidate for the Senate. Coats, who was born in Michigan, educated in Illinois and received a law degree from Indiana University because it was cheaper there, has distinguished himself as an anti-gun, pro-life, pro big banking politician who once claimed that he questioned Bill Clinton's timing of the attacks on terrorist bases in Afghanistan to divert attention from his affair with Monica Lewinsky.

He served briefly as a senator from Indiana while he was robbing people in Fort Wayne  disguised as a lawyer.

George Bush made him an ambassador to Germany where he pre-rubbed Angela Merkel's shoulders.

When he'd had enough of that gig he became a lobbyist for the banking industry where he could make really big money, and has been extremely influential for the likes of Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, our old friend Chrysler and was instrumental creating the TARP fund which bailed out the banks with money he found in the taxpayers' pockets. And because he was a resident of North Carolina, the morons of Indiana want him for their Senator. He is expected to beat the blue dog democratic party candidate, Brad Ellsworth in the fall general elections.

Obviously, the press honored Coats' request, and not one imbecile in Indiana knew that he was really from North Carolina.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Congressional Bathroom Humor

Mitch McConnell, imbecile senator from Kentucky and his girlfriend John "The Bone" Bohner are all smiles while they take a break from saying, "No!" to the democrats and the country and head to the men's room for a little wide stance drill in the Congressional rest room.

The republicans have steadfastly refused to even bring the bill to reform Wall Street to the senate floor for discussion leading the world to believe that they have something to preserve or gain by allowing the tycoons from the financial district to keep giving them money.

When asked what it would take to get the republicans to open debate on the topic of financial reform, Bohner said, “About a $1,500,000, give or take.”

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Travelin’ On With The Taliban, Or How I Plan To Spend My Summer Vacation By Hamid Karzai

In an announcement that surprised practically no one, Hamid Karzai said that if he was pushed around by the international community, specifically the United States, he was going to run away from home and join the circus.

An aid and close confident to Karzai said he saw the Mayor of Kabul looking wistful and packing a bandanna with toothpaste, toilet paper and a few boxes of Capn' Crunch along with a "football" of cash. He also assured the world community, that, “Karzai’s serious, damn it. Come on, guys, honest, he really means it! If you don’t believe me, he will break your back across his knee... like so!”

On his way out the door, Karzai waved to the media and said, “Hakka durka, hakka durka.”

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sarah Palin Says John McCain Spent 5 Years As A POW So You Have The Right To Free Speech.

John McCain threw up in his mouth when she said that. Cindy thought it was funny because she knew he spent five years as a POW because he got shot down over a rice paddy and got captured.

Nothing really ever occurred as a result of his spending all that time there. Certainly nothing to do with the first amendment to the constitution. His bones healed funny and the NVA and the VC got a good confession out of him as a war criminal for dropping bombs on civilians. THAT came from that.

He stayed there for 5 years because his chances of being court martialed because of his confession upon his release were pretty big then. Besides, his first wife had gained weight since he went away and didn't suit him so he divorced her when he finally did get home so he could get back to his wild life of drinking and whoring.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Rush Limbaugh Continues His Tirade

Rush Limbaugh's mouth is getting ahead of his brain lately. He advocates obeying the law, tells a law student to emulate the 60s, go out and smoke marijuana and , who knows, maybe Obama will come out and smoke pot with you, then catches himself advocating breaking the law and backs down. Problem is he's already said what he wants the ditto-heads to hear and act on, but has absolved himself of any wrongdoing.

This guy is a real sack of poop, spreading filth and lies for the benefit of his own enrichment and engorged ego.

P.T. Barnum was wrong a lot less than Limbaugh claims to be.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Urged On By Conservative Media, Republican Mob Threatens Democratic Party Reps And Senators With Violence.

Today on his radio program Rush Limbaugh made a case for inciting people to violence by saying the Democrats did it first. I guess that makes it OK?

I have a suspicion that the monster he, Sarah and the rest of the conservative wing-nut Republicans are after is the man they hate so vehemently because once again they lost and they just can't stand it. It's eating them alive that 32 million more people will not be denied the common decency afforded their wealthier countrymen.

That the wealthier countrymen may have to ante up a little for it seems to be their primary bone of contention. Is it that hard a pill to swallow?

Monday, March 22, 2010

Death Panels Are Official! Death Camps Are Good To Go.

Immoral politicians last evening voted to destroy the America espoused by the radical right. Through their incredible blathering today, the Fox News Network's pundits blustered and fumed over the passage of the Health Care Reform Bill. With spittle on their lips they bellow and used their same besmirching vocabularies to try as best they could to explain how such a thing could happen. They couldn't. But they did sell some product and make noise.

We the People, all 1500 to 2000 foul mouthed wing nuts who had overflowed the street corner near the Capitol, sputtered their epithets and expressed their dismay in a vain attempt to defeat the work of the representatives. Convinced of their righteousness and assured by Limbaugh, Hannity and other bellicose media types, they had a little party and went home.

Hannity is kicking off his Conservative Victory Tour. What was the victory? The Republicans definitely lost. He's also got another book for sale.

Oh, yeah, and President Obama has a veto for the next three years, so you can forget about repealing this bill until then at the earliest.

Health Care Bill Passes House Vote.

While John Boehner was either in the men's room practicing his wide stance or the tanning booth at the House chamber, the democrats managed to finally push the Health Care Reform Bill through. After myriad fits and starts and procedural votes on points of procedure, hours of stalling and posturing with fake debate, the 2500 pound sausage was carried around the chamber and applauded like the village hero chaired through the market place.

Republican minority leader Boehner knocked back a few bourbons and addressed the media, saying, "What's good for the American people, is good for the country. Thank you and God bless the United States of America. "

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I'm Glad I Didn't Watch.

If I would have watched, I would have seen this. And this is as bad as the picture I have in my head of Rahm Emmanuel confronting Eric Massa in the showers at the Congressional gym.

As Count Floyd would say, "Ooh, that's scary!"

Monday, February 08, 2010

How’s That Hopey Changey Thingy Workin’ Out For Ya?

It would appear that Sarah has been doing more for Alaska than Barack Obama has been accused of trying to do for the United States. She actually brags about how her bilking of the big oil companies has enabled her to redistribute to the citizens of Alaska a hefty little paycheck every year as long as Exxon, BP and the rest of the drill here, drill now crazies keep tearing up the north slope.

Windfall profit taxes on Big Oil are here to stay in Alaska. Increasing state tax is OK with the Republicans. It's increasing federal taxes they have a problem with. It might get them kicked out of their cushy jobs in Washington. Anyway, Robin Hood and her merry band of Socialists have already worked their magic for the poor people of Northwood Forest and are movin’ on to a run for the White House in 2012.

How are those free building supplies paid for by Wallisa workin’ out for ya, Todd?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Think I Found Someone To Sue...uh, Maybe...

“Don't get mad. Get everything! ” —Ivana Trump

Now, if I could only find an English solicitor who would work for free! My flaming minions and I would be rich and famous and hold dominion over the world! Someone would finally notice me. My life would be complete.

I am persecuted, reviled and besmirched. My reputation suffers from the slings and arrows of the truth, and they called me names.

Laugh at me, will they? These insults are almost as real if not entirely imagined. My enemies will pay!

I will have my revenge! Bwah,hahahahahahahah!
Uh, oh. Is that someone at the door?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Why Would Haitians Make A Pact With This Man?

Because he's the only one who knows about the deal. I mean, Napoleon lived a long time ago, and those who bargained with the devil to throw off the yoke of French oppression are certainly long dead.

But the devil is obviously immortal and is alive and well in the likes of Pat Robertson. This filthy minded, self-righteous hypocrite dares to tempt God’s hand with his blasphemy? If there were a God, Robertson would be dead. That he’s alive proves God’s non-existence.

This creepy wad of filth belongs under a ten ton block of concrete, conscious and aware, with his life oozing out of his ears.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Rush Limbaugh Damns Obama To Hell, Gets There First. Congratulates Himself On His Prescience.

Nauseating windbag and inveterate bigot, Rush Limbaugh, continues his vendetta against President Obama and his efforts to bring order to a badly fragmented country. Ever delighting in his growing power over the mental midgets of this country, Limbaugh constantly hectors the President and purveys the selfish conservative values which have made this country the laughingstock of humanity.

Proclaiming that Obama is deliberately ruining the country "on purpose" sounds like Darren McGavin telling his wife she used up all the glue in Christmas Story. Limbaugh points to the president’s efforts to provide health care for the country as some sort of monstrous plot, his efforts to stimulate the economy as the “pork-u-lous” bill, a strange thing for a greedy pig like Rush to say.

He blames all of America’s ills on Obama rather than the selfish goals of people like himself, who through chicanery and exploitation of those less intelligent and more in need, continue to pull the wool over almost everyone’s eyes.

Of what possible use is the destruction of this country to President Obama? To what end does it benefit anyone?