Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Good God, John! Get A Grip On Yourself!


Why is this man crying? He cries at the drop of a hat, the nostalgic memories of the drunks at this father's bar, the thought of a homeless puppy, or the picture of a cute little kitten. Ya think maybe he's running for something? He's seen crying in public more than Sarah Palin is seen crowing, and that's saying something.

Please, John, try to stop this public blubbering. Even Rush Limbaugh was the lamenting the chick-i-fying of the men of America, specifically the NFL, as was Laura Ingraham on her show calling American men, “Sissies” while plugging some conservative author's bogus book on the subject.

Real American men may cry, but they don't blubber like fools on camera in front of the nation nearly every day. We'd appreciate a little decorum. For our sake, please excuse yourself and go blubber in the men's room, or if the spirit moves you, the ladies' room.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Toilet Paper Patriots Join Tea Party Patriots; Accuse Obama Of Littering

In a recent development in political parties, The Toilet Paper Patriots have joined forces with the TTP to form an even large cadre of asshole oriented activists. President Judson Phillips, the overwhelming driving force behind the movement said that their objective is to keep big government small, and make small government big so they will be able to control everything.

They are against big government spending, so they are apparently against the national defense, infrastructure, social security, medicare, unemployment insurance, the armed forces, farm subsidies, health, education and welfare of any sort, and repayment of the national debt, among the myriad expenditures the government makes. They are also against all taxes which might create a source of government revenue to pay for the lifestyles to which they've become accustomed. They also appear to be contesting parts of the U.S. Constitution, specifically the 14th amendment.

I, for one, agree with them. We can all go back to the glorious time when we lived in caves and ate raw meat, when the world was a little smaller and more balanced, as we were all third world nations and could compete successfully with other nations for nuts and berries. Where all you needed for the national defense was a good club and a belief that one day you would find the god of fire.

The tree of TP must be fertilized from time to time with the excrement of apoplectic wing-nuts and the tears of the self-righteous.