Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Fat Blowhard Continues His Rant, Takes Drugs, Violates Children AND He's A Liar Millions Of Mind-Numbed Dittoheads Believe!

Rush spent the Memorial Day weekend in the beautiful Dominican Republic with a bevy of adolescent boys. The conservative pundit, who has the temerity to purport himself as the expert on all things conservative and Republican, while masquerading as an intellectual who can run circles around anyone with one half of his brain excised “just to make it fair,” was found nude in the swimming pool of GRAN BAHIA PRINCIPE AMBAR with a bar of coconut soap, a loofah and a jar of KY brand petroleum jelly. His entourage of teenage boys were laughing and playing harpoon the great white whale as they dove onto Rush’s bloated body. Snerdly could not be reached for comment.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Two-Fisted Drinking. Bush And McCain Pound Them Down.

In a smoky little bar in the heart of Africa, George Bush and John McCain spin their webs of war, intrigue, economic disaster and world domination. McCain quizzes the master and the master replies, “Never admit to anything, and for God’s sake, quit contradicting yourself on every issue. You can't be for and against tax-cuts! You can't be for and against abortion rights. You can't be telling people it's safe to walk down the streets of Baghdad when people are being blown up!"
“Yes, master,” wheezed McCain, “Can I have a fat juicy rat now?”

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Impossible Worlds...No, Really

Truth is stranger than fiction. Somewhere in a parallel universe, doppelgangers are making plans for us. Pretty creepy, huh, Wally?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Chinese Catch McCain Off Guard

They established their patriotic credentials long ago, and are either supportive of the Bush agenda or know when to keep their traps shut.
Bill O'Reilly
In what might be considered another in a long series of embarrassments for the aging senator from Arizona, John McCain took himself out of action for about three hours on Friday. While toying with a Chinese finger puzzle obtained from a young child at a town hall meeting, the doddering Viet Nam veteran and inescapable POW managed to entrap both index fingers. After a valiant effort to free himself, McCain wheezed, “Does someone have a scissors?” To the senator's great relief, a local official push McCain’s hands together, thus freeing the aging candidates index fingers. Later, a more jovial McCain joked, “At least I didn't have to crash a sixth plane to get out of that one, heh, heh.”

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Obama Wins Indiana Primary. Clinton Euthanized.

In the race to the Democratic Party's presidential nomination, Big Brown came from the pack to win over second place Eight Belles.

Stumbling down the home stretch after finishing second to Big Brown, the only filly in the race broke both cankles and had to be euthanized on the track.

Monday, May 05, 2008

You Puts A Knife Under The Bed And It Cuts The Pain

This past week, Secretary of State Condileeza Rice payed a visit to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory during her trip to the middle east. She whined and fussed how Iran certainly had no intention of stopping it's pursuit of nuclear weapons because it wouldn't roll over and play dead as the Bush administration wanted.

“Just because they say they have no nuclear weapons program doesn't mean we should trust them,” she said. “And just because all our own intelligence sources say Iran isn't pursuing nuclear weapons, doesn't mean you should trust us, either.”

Trying to drum up support among the European nations for President Bush's insane rant about wanting to invade yet another country, Rice turned purple and had to be taken to the juice room for squeezing.