Thursday, December 27, 2007

CIA Covers For Bush’s Torture Crimes

“Shamefully we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management, U.S. management.—Edward Kennedy
It would appear that the Bush administration will have no comment on this ongoing investigation and the Justice Department’s looking into alleged wrongdoing involved with the burning of videotapes showing water-boarding of AlQaeda suspects. Water-boarding, for those of you who’ve been off-planet the last few years, is the act making the victim feel as if he were drowning by pouring water through a rag that is stuffed into his mouth. It’s very effective because there is a real good chance that it can kill you if overdone in the slightest. In fact some detainees have died, not necessarily from drowning, but heart attacks. Seems safe to me, though.

I believe it should be made law that if anyone says that water-boarding is not torture, he should immediately be grabbed and water-boarded in front of the Senate.

George Bush is safe. He’s got his new lackey Attorney General Mukasey working up a big smokescreen on this investigation, and you can be sure George Tenet isn’t going to sing any new tunes.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Happy Days Are Here Again!

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to a retrospective peek at the past seven years, I was much further ahead back then. In fact, you’d have to be living under a rock somewhere with Rip Van Winkle to think you’re better off today. You'd have to be insane.

The price of gasoline has sky rocketed. The value of the dollar has plummeted. The economy has slowed to a crawl. China is trying to poison us with lead toys. Our food companies try to poison us with e coli spinach and meat.
We have a vice president being kept alive artificially and a Secretary of state who ponces around the world doing nothing. We are still trying to prop up puppet heads of state who attempt to sell us their dictatorships as democracies. We are bogged down in two
different countries fighting wars that make no sense. We’ve got an idiot for a president living in a fantasy world who thinks his way of doing things is right because he believes there is a God who talks to him and tells him to spread freedom and democracies to countries which have no idea what it is because they’ve lived under the guns and knives of petty tyrants forever.

Yeah, we’re better off. Keep drinking the Kool Aid, children.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Follow The Money

Fat oinker, Rush Limbaugh works for Clear Channel Broadcasting as a controversial shill and global warming denier. He sidelines as a pederast with young boys on trips to the Dominican Republic. It is in his best interest to keep Exxon Mobil happy.

Projects of the Media Research Center include the Free Market Project, the Conservative Communications Center, and Cybercast News Service (, formerly the Conservative News Service. It also runs the website, dedicated to pointing out what it sees as the overwhelming liberal bias of the New York Times.

Rush Limbaugh has nothing but praise for the MRC. He raves, "Brent Bozell and the MRC provide a most precious commodity - a quest for the truth. I can't possibly expose every example of bias and error that emanates from the national mainstream media, but Bozell and his group come as close as anyone can. MRC is a vital national interest."

Excluding 2007, Media Research Center has received $202,500 from ExxonMobil since 1998.

I guess it’s pretty obvious that the truth can be held hostage if you have money.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

The Fog Of War Meets The Fog Of Presidential Thought Process

“Once you look at this demon in the face, and don't run away, the fear slowly dissipates like a fog and there's nothing staring back at you.—Nicholas Brendon

President Bush grossed himself out while visiting Later Reed Medical Center. He was introduced to a young soldier with an amputated left leg who obviously took delight in the president’s embarrassment after the president said, “Hey, soljer! Hop to it for your commander-in-chief! Oh, shit, that came out wrong! What I meant to say was, I wish you guys wouldn’t come home at all instead of coming back with missing parts and making me feel funny, you freaky bastards, yuck!”

Friday, December 07, 2007

President Attends National Tree Lighting, Tree Surgeon Called

The National Christmas tree was illuminated by President Bush last evening. The tree remained erect for over four hours causing some concern among most of those present at the ceremony. The president, in a rare fit of compassion for anything, made an emergency call to a Washington area tree surgeon who came and cut the tree down.

“Everyone has heard those warnings on TV.” said the president, “You know, with those people sitting in bathtubs and all. Ya cain’t be too careful these days. What if these trees got the knowledge to make Nuke-u-lar weapons?”

Thursday, December 06, 2007

NIE Report Says Bush Is Lying To Us, Or Something

“I apologize for lying to you. I promise I won't deceive you except in matters of this sort.—Spiro T. Agnew

George Bush came to the podium yesterday thinking he could still convince the American people that if they didn't believe that Iran was evil and would kill them in a New York second, they must think he was crazy. He then said, “Be afraid, be very very afraid. Pay no attention to the economy, the sub-prime mortgage fiasco, the price of oil, the housing market slump, all those people who never found jobs and are now off the unemployment roles. Just trust me. Iran is going to get you! Boo! If ya’ll don’t believe me, I can’t help you, and you know you’re the only reason I wanted to be protect you from evil doers.”

The president then spun on his heel after ignoring questions from the press corps, tore the head off of a White House aide and flung the bloody body against the door jamb with the resounding thud of dead meat. He then ran, cackling, down the hallway.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

And That Takes Care Of That!

“The Republicans would like to take us back to a darker time, when corporations ruled and the underserved had no rights.—Joe Baca
At the ceremonial burning of the bill of rights, Lynne Cheney, wife of Vice President Dick Cheney was given the high honor of lighting the original document on fire, thereby relieving the American public of its last vestiges of any power whatsoever over the federal government.

“After all,” Ms Cheney said, “We are not now, nor have we ever been a democracy. We are a republic, where fools like the public foolishly elect people to represent them. They get only what they deserve.”

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Sean Hannity Linked To Hostage Taker, Leeland Eisenberg

“People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.—Francis Bacon

Shortly before taking a number of hostages at a Hillary Clinton campaign center in Rochester, New Hampshire, Leeland Eisenberg took a picture of himself and this letter stuck to the passenger-side window of his car. After his capture, he claimed he knew nothing about it and said, “I think for myself when I’m not crazy. I never do what Sean Hannity tells me to do!”

Monday, December 03, 2007

Dead Horse Beaten, Stands And Pulls Cart!

“Adultery is the application of democracy to love.” —H. L. Mencken

All Rudi ever says is 9-11, expecting this single credential he assumes is a feather in his cap will propel him to the GOP(your pants) nomination if not the presidency.

Imagine, if you will, however, a sleazy guy with a bad comb-over (he fakes his looks) hiding from his wife in order to rendezvous with his mistress (he cheats on his wife). Now imagine that he also is using public funds to pay for their private security and transportation (he steals from you).

Now that’s what America needs! A guy that seems to be one thing and is actually another. Nothing above board. A liar and a cheat, not to mention a thief.

But wait a second. We already have one of those. Never mind.