Monday, January 28, 2008

He Thinks He Got Away With It.

“Almost every man wastes part of his life attempting to display qualities which he does not possess.” —Samuel Johnson

Feeling smug and confident, President George W. Bush will give his final State of the Nation Address to a joint session of Congress this evening. He will talk about how his visio for freedom in Iraq has worked beyond our wildest expectations. He will tell us how the nation’s economy has never been so strong. He will laud his own accomplishments to the skies.

He will be lying through his teeth.

This past week, The Center for Public Integrity published the results of an investigation into the truthfulness of this administration. It concluded that since the advent of the 9,11 attacks, this administration has lied 935 times, most of these lies peaking during the run up to the war with Iraq and other dubious endeavors of this administration.

(Click on the headline above to be taken to this article at the Center’s website.)

After completing his list of prevarications, the president will announce that he is placing himself and his administration under house arrest for high crimes and misdemeanors against this country. He will then pardon everyone and get back to business as usual.

Friday, January 25, 2008

One More Year!

They’re almost out of office, but if Dick plays his cards right, there might just be enough time for one more war. Remember, there’s profit in confusion, and if 935 lies aren’t enough, there are plenty more where they came from.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Unforgiven

Not unlike Little Bill Dagett, Fred Thompson has been shot by just about everyone in the Republican party whether or not they be out of Missouri and killed women and children at one time or another and just about everything that ever walks or crawled. Not that he didn't deserve it. He did.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Genius Of George Bush

George Bush announced that, against all odds, there will be peace in the middle east in his time. After absorbing all the culture of the area by osmosis while driving to the meeting, Bush met with Mahmound Abbas, Ehud Olmert, and Shimon Peres. Unfortuneately, since he considers Hammas to be a terrorist organization, he could not meet with anyone who could actually make a difference in his quest for a mid-east accord.

Leaving Palestine, Bush said he was looking forward to returning home to collect his Powerball winnings.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Almost 4000 Troops Killed To Get This Photo Op—OoRah!

Two soldiers valiantly try to support George W Bush, who, when it comes to the war in Iraq, doesn’t have a leg to stand on. He fell over moments after this picture was taken.

Some in the Bush Administration would have us believe that the surge is working, has worked and is responsible for the 60% decrease in violence in Iraq. I submit that it is not the result of an additional 30,000 troops and their dominance over Al Qaida fighters which has cause this turn around. Rather that it is the result of the first real cooperation among tribal clan leaders who have decided it is temporarily financially more expedient to throw in with their fellow Iraqis and beat up on the insurgents.

somewhat physically more dangerous if one happens to find oneself in a back alley with an Al Qaida Kalashnikov pointed at you, the deals these wise old leaders have made insure two things. First, that they are amply rewarded with the bags of money the US always has handy for bribes and propping up “friends” and secondly, that given the decrease in violence, the US may soon pull out allowing them to divvy up the country anyway they see fit regardless of the civil war this will foment and much to the chagrin of the puppet government we are so desperately trying to squeeze into a democratic mold of multicultural/religious sects.

Touch ’em all, George. Another home-run!

Five For A Dime, Thirteen for A Quarter, Or Eight For Fifty Cents?

If only buying votes were this simple.

Friday, January 04, 2008

My Skull And Bones Legacy By George W. Bush

“It was right about the time that I said, 'Thank you, sir, may I have another!' that I saw the light. I knew then that I could fool some of the people all the time. I've never looked back.”

A fellow Bonesman and Yale rugby teammate who refused to be identified remarked, “You never could hurt George by hitting him in the head. He got his ideas from bottom-up thinking.”

Witness one George Bush. A little man with big plans and a bigger ego. A small man with big plans for an increasingly small world. A new world order and a free world under his benevolent dictatorship— and where else but in the Twilight Zone?

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Rush Limbaugh Says, “Beastiality Has Consequences.”

In a rare moment of candor, Rush Limbaugh admitted he had had carnal knowledge of sheep and pigs and had become infected with syphilis. The former Oxycontin addict stated to reporters that he was checking himself into a rehabilitation clinic for the express purpose of curing his sex addiction to barnyard creatures and receive treatment for the third and final stage of the disease. “I thought the disease had been eradicated,” said an obviously distraught Limbaugh, “When I went deaf a few years ago, it should have been a wake-up call. Now I stand a good chance of going blind, too!”

“It could happen to anyone,” Rush said. “I’m just sorry it didn’t happen to some liberal Democrat instead of me.”

Forever the consummate shill, Limbaugh said he’d put out feelers to the National Association of Syphilitics to be their poster boy, “for a fee.”