Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hannity Interviews The Real President

Sean Hannity sank to a new low yesterday, exposing Dick Cheney as the real POTUS.

“I tricked it out of him,” said Hannity. “You know, you know, I’m really good at it. That’s how I got my own show! And I really like money. I shill for just about anyone. Oh, hell, I DO shill for anyone if they’ve go money to throw at me. Ruth’s Chris, GM, hey, just call me if you’ve got money. Whatever shitty thing you got, you know, I can sell.”

Friday, November 14, 2008

It’s A Little Tight In The Seat

Laura Ingraham reacts with obvious disgust as she tries on the military’s new “Eviscerated Cadaver” fighting uniform for conservatives who would like to reclaim the country they lost to the Democrats through their obliviousness to the needs of the American people and their greed for themselves.

“I nearly vomited up my spleen,” Ingraham shrieked later, “I've never experienced defeat like this in my life. I've always been paid well. I don't know how I'll make it on a few measly million a year, endorsing shitty products and selling my stupid books. I mean, I’m entitled to much more from the free market that we neo-cons have worshipped for so long and have profited from so greatly at the expense of others. I mean where else are you going to get quality, Naziesque hate-speech so cheaply? And look what Obama has done to the economy already!”

Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity were seen later modeling their new cadaver suits at one of Hannity’s Freedom Concerts where Hank Williams Junior endeavored to whip the audience into a frenzy by tearing the heads off kittens and spraying the crowd with blood.

Does Anyone Know What’s Going On?

Asked if they knew what had happened to the economy during a senate hearing, Henry “Hank” Paulson and Ben “The Wad” Bernanke replied that they hadn’t the foggiest notion. In fact, they said that they were only hanging around because their pay was so good they couldn’t afford to walk away in tough times like these.

Asked if they felt bad about it, they replied as one, stating simultaneously, “No.” Asked to explain why he had suddenly switched from a position to buy up the viral paper owned by the banks because of the mortgage fiasco to bailing out the credit industry, which like his treasury also runs on dreams and good wishes, Paulson said, “It’s kinda like fairies. If you don't clap your hands and say, ‘I believe,’ they die. The same goes for money.”

Friday, November 07, 2008

Bringing America To Its Knees

With the election over, Rush just can't wait to start destroying Obama and his adminisration before it is even in office. Bashing Rahm Emanuel as Chief of Staff even before he has a staff. Blaming Obama’s election for the decline of the Dow because people are afraid. They got over their fear pretty well yesterday, however, long enough to take a few profits.

This man should be ignored and feared. He is the divisive force that has made greed and hate all it has become to our society. He is a Nazi and a Grand Wizard rolled into one little unloveable hairball of cat puke. I can't wait for the Fairness Doctrine to be reenacted. Then you'll hear some sputter and flatulance from this wad of filth.