Friday, December 09, 2016

Infantile Trump Wants You To Know...

Caught in a moment of having a hissy fit, President-Elect Donald Trump acts out his worst fear.
     In a moment of extreme duress, President-Elect Trump was caught right after pulling his pants up after demonstrating how fit he is to be the next president of the United States by dropping a steaming coil on the set of his famous TV program. 

     The apprentice president was at the NBC studios after announcing that he will not only continue running his own companies because, he said, “There's nothing wrong with that. There is no law against it and I'm a law and order guy, right?" but also that he will also continue to produce the successful reality series Celebrity Apprentice.

     “Ya know there are a lot of people who think I can't walk and chew gum at the same time,” he continued, “but they didn't now I could do all these things and be the Commander in Chief of the US Military and function as President, OK? But I'm a very successful man, OK? And I'm going to be a very, very successful business man and commander and what was the third one? Oh, Yeah, President.”

     He then wiped his ass on the American flag and returned to Trump Tower all the while exchanging biblical quotations with VP Elect Mike Pense.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

And Here Come The Republicans. They Are Not Coming For Your Guns.

They Are Coming For Your Medicare and Social Security.

Led by Mitch "the Turtle" McConnell, Donald "The Donald" Trump and Mike "the Bigot" Pence
make their way to the John Boehner Memorial Mens Room with Don's
current wife Melania to meet with Stephen K. Bannon
  • Protect individual conscience in healthcare- this means you may discriminate against people whose lifestyles, religion and sexual orientation are different from yours.
  • Protect innocent human life from conception to natural death, including the most defenseless and those Americans with disabilities- this means that they will overturn Roe vs Wade and make abortion illegal for those of you who are for pro choice causing, once again, back alley abortions and unnecessary deaths of mothers as well as their babies.
  • Advance research and development in healthcare-this means your tax dollars will go to benefit big pharma to develop even higher priced drugs that will probably have side effects which will kill you.
  • Reform the Food and Drug Administration, to put greater focus on the need of patients for new and innovative medical products-this means more expensive medical equipment and more expensive drugs which ultimately benefit the medical industry.
  • Modernize Medicare, so that it will be ready for the challenges with the coming retirement of the Baby Boom generation – and beyond-this means all you've paid into medicare will be forfeit and you will be given vouchers and the opportunity to participate in whatever alternative plan the Republican alternative to the ACA will be.
  • Maximize flexibility for States in administering Medicaid, to enable States to experiment with innovative methods to deliver healthcare to our low-income citizens-this means the poor will remain poor and receive very little in the way of benefits by the Republican shifting away responsibility from the federal to the state governments which are already nearly insolvent.
  • And most of this was not satire.

Friday, October 07, 2016

Frank Zappa Called It Years Ago. The Real Donald Trump Has Stood Up, And Now We Know Who He Really Is.

Brown shoes don't make it
Brown shoes don't make it
Quit school, why fake it?
Brown shoes don't make it

TV dinner by the pool
Watch your brother grow a beard
Got another year of school
You're okay, he's too weird
Be a plumber he's a bummer
He's a bummer every summer
Be a loyal plastic robot
For a world that doesn't care

Smile at every ugly
Shine on your shoes and cut your hair

Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work
Be a jerk and go to work

Do your job and do it right
Life's a ball! TV tonight
Do you love it? Do you hate it?
There it is, the way you made it, wow

A world of secret hungers
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away
In drawer, in a desk
By a Naughahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office

You see in the back of the City Hall mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen
Off with her clothes and into a bed
Where she tickles his fancy all night long

His wife's attending an orchid show
She squealed for a week to get him to go
But back in the bed his, teenage queen
Is rocking and rolling and acting obscene

Baby! Baby!
Baby! Baby!

And he loves it, he loves it, it curls up his toes
She bites his fat neck and it lights up his nose
But he cannot be fooled, old City Hall Fred
She's nasty, she's nasty, she digs it in bed

Do it again and do it some more
That does it, by golly, it's nasty for sure
Nasty-nasty-nasty, nasty-nasty-nasty
Only thirteen and she knows how to nasty

She's a dirty young mind
Corrupted, corroded
Well she's thirteen today
And I hear she gets loaded

If she were my daughter I'd...
(What would you do, Daddy?)
If she were my daughter I'd...
(What would you do, Daddy?)
If she were my daughter I'd...
(What would you do, Daddy?)

Smother my daughter in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again, oh baby
Smother that girl in chocolate syrup
And strap her on again

She's a Teenage Baby and she turns me on
I'd like to make her do a nasty on the White House lawn
Going to smother that daughter in chocolate syrup
And boogie till the cows come home

Time to go home, Madge is on the phone
Gotta meet the Guerneys and a dozen gray attorneys
TV dinner by the pool, I'm so glad I finished school
Life is such a ball I run the world from City Hall

Thursday, September 01, 2016

Trump Says He Has “Deep Feelings” 
About The Mexican People
U.S. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump and Mexico’s President Enrique Pena Nieto
shake hands at a press conference at the Los Pinos residence in Mexico City, Mexico,
August 31, 2016. Photo by Henry Romero/REUTERS

But are his “feelings” deep respect, 

deep fear or deep hatred?

   Donald Trump is acting like a schizophrenic, making nice with President Peña Nieto one second and vomiting all over himself with hatred at one of his "let it all hang out" rallies where his base just loves to hear him tell it like it is!
     Soft-spoken with Peña Nieto, he lied about discussing who would pay for "The Wall." The Mexican President had to Tweet that he had launched thier conversation by pretty much repeating what former President Vincente Fox told CNN, “There is no way we are paying for that f***ing wall!”

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Trump Addresses His Minions.

      On his return form Mexico, Candidate Trump, dispelled all doubts as to his qualifications for President of the United States. He has displayed the monogram of jerk splendidly as he ranted about how much his plan for immigration would divide "them" from "us" in a fifteen of sixteen but who's counting steps that will accomplish everything in a magical brushstroke. 

     He will do this, I can tell you. He believes his program is everything his ego believes it is. This is a madman with words but no facts. Only promises that he cannot possibly keep. 

     He works "while the clock, she's a ticking."

     Nothing but more bullshit from the master of innuendo and tweet.

Don't get me wrong. Hillary is no gem. No diamond in the rough. She is cut with so many facets you can't believe in one of them. However, she is the far superior choice over Trump. A thug and ignoramus who would have us believe he is our savior 

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Putin's New Toy

     Nothing would please Vladimir Putin more than having his own hand picked puppet as President of the United States to solidify his position in the annals of American history as the only foreign interloper to control America from Moscow.
     Already he has Trump making overtures to the American people saying. “Wouldn't it be nice if we could get along with Russia?”
     We've gotten along with Russia since before Potsdam and Stalin. We got along with Russia before Lenin didn't get along with Czar Nicholas. We've always gotten along with Russia, but just barely avoiding all out nuclear war. I think we'll continue in this tradition as long as Putin's Puppet is not in the White House!

Thursday, August 04, 2016

Imagine A Future Under A President Trump.

     Now that Trump has been elected President because he out-lied Hillary in both his handling of the economy and his obvious mastery of who would better handle the ISIS problem and get rid of Muslim extremists, our second amendment rights under the Constitution are protected. All those who consider themselves “a well regulated militia" fetch your weapons and stand by!
     You are now being conscripted into the DJT Army of Vengeance, because you know that if Donald gets “hit,” he strikes back, hard. YOU will be his fist, his hammer. There will be boots on the ground in Syria, Libya Somalia, Iran, Iraq, ad nauseam. Our pitifully depleted armed forces will be reconstituted with fresh new bodies when the draft returns.
     Imagine what will happen if Kim Jong Un sends one of his rockets toward Guam or Hawaii trying to get the attention he so frequently pleads for by acting like a petulant child.
     Always remember, in Hitler's Germany, every last man, grandfather and boy was finally conscripted by Hitler to protect the Fatherland and to die for Der Fuehrer.

Tuesday, August 02, 2016

Trump's Brain Is Missing, Still.

Foaming at the mouth for the 113th consecutive day, the Republican nominee for
President bit the head from a live gerbil and  proceeded to chew on it to
he disgust of the press who were gathered for a press conference.

     “This I will tell you,” said Trump spitting out some gerbil fur, “this is going to be better than anything crooked, evil Hillary can do. This is going to make her puny run for the White House look like those retards in the Special Olympics trying to roll an Easter egg.”
     Mr. Trump, of course, was referring to his widely publicized attempt to build his wall to separate the United States from Mexico using nothing but his own “brain-power.” He ignored questions from the press on how he intended to do this and make Mexico pay for it.
     “I've got enough. You know I do. I have enough brain-power to do this. Brain power. It's what I have. And plenty. Believe me when I tell you. I have got it.
     He then asked if anyone had seen his cheese-straightener.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Introducing The 2016 Republican Ticket

Newly nomnated Donald Trump and Mike Pence embrace in terror
at the prospect of actually being elected to the highest offices in America
An Prospect As Frightful To  Them As It Is To The Rest Of America!

Friday, June 24, 2016

England! What Were You Thinking?

In less time than it takes to sing "God Save The Queen" the English cast their votes, cast the planet into economic chaos and cast their fate to the wind

In a case of apparent buyer's remorse, Britons are Googling to find out exactly what the European Union is and what they can do to correct their faux pas. Unfortunately, it's a done deal. Prime Minister Cameron's remarks about how Donald Trump would unite them all if he came to the British Isles somehow inverted to reflecting exactly how divided the citizens of England are. They are split between the old/wise, young/impatient, educated/intelligent and uneducated/ignorant.

Speaking in Scotland the Donald celebrated by calling Brexit "A great thing!"

Here Trump is seen threatening a deaf piper who dared
to trespass on his golf course to look for golf balls.
Scotland want's to stay in the EU. Big red X over your face Donald. And, no, everyone will not be going to Turnberry. I've never seen so many women walking a golf course in high heels as I witnessed in the media coverage of his golf course opening. Trump should change the name of the course to Turnankle.

Friday, June 03, 2016

Donald Drumpf Who? Oh, Trump Name Change.

    When I was a kid the only Donald I knew was a little shit. He tried to steal my model airplane kits or toys I had with me when I'd visit him after school and hide them under his bed.  He told his mom that they were his. His mom knew better. She would say, "Donald, you know that's not yours. Give it back." He would...then, and only then.
    These days, shits like Donald give nothing back. Their moms are dead and somehow their fathers failed to instill all the little Donalds with a sense of right and wrong or a grasp of morality and justice.

    Even now we live with the possibility that the death warts on the back of his right hand may have driven him beyond his ordinary acquisitive madness we are told could lead to the destruction of the USA if he were to be elected. Many, many doctors have warned that he is seriously mentally ill. That I can tell you. Many doctors.

   Madness. So sorry, America.