McCain Gains Ground, Loses Soul

“Don't sell your soul to buy
peanuts for the monkeys.” —Dorothy Salisbury Davis

In an effort to head off a two-year-early sprint for the presidency by Rudy Guiliani, Senator John McCain’s face split open on an old scar and produced Satan.

According to Peter Brown of Yahoo News, “the Democratic takeover makes it much more likely Republican John McCain will be the next president of the United States.”

Shortly before the arival of his satanic majesty, McCain can be seen in what would appear to be extreme agony.

“It’s amazing his teeth didn’t break,” said a bystander speaking from the Capitol, “I could smell sulfur the way it was after Bush spoke at the UN. I've never seen a man in the process of losing his soul before.”