Almost 4000 Troops Killed To Get This Photo Op—OoRah!

Two soldiers valiantly try to support George W Bush, who, when it comes to the war in Iraq, doesn’t have a leg to stand on. He fell over moments after this picture was taken.

Some in the Bush Administration would have us believe that the surge is working, has worked and is responsible for the 60% decrease in violence in Iraq. I submit that it is not the result of an additional 30,000 troops and their dominance over Al Qaida fighters which has cause this turn around. Rather that it is the result of the first real cooperation among tribal clan leaders who have decided it is temporarily financially more expedient to throw in with their fellow Iraqis and beat up on the insurgents.

Though somewhat physically more dangerous if one happens to find oneself in a back alley with an Al Qaida Kalashnikov pointed at you, the deals these wise old leaders have made insure two things. First, that they are amply rewarded with the bags of money the US always has handy for bribes and propping up “friends” and secondly, that given the decrease in violence, the US may soon pull out allowing them to divvy up the country anyway they see fit regardless of the civil war this will foment and much to the chagrin of the puppet government we are so desperately trying to squeeze into a democratic mold of multicultural/religious sects.

Touch ’em all, George. Another home-run!

Five For A Dime, Thirteen for A Quarter, Or Eight For Fifty Cents?

If only buying votes were this simple.

My Skull And Bones Legacy By George W. Bush

“It was right about the time that I said, 'Thank you, sir, may I have another!' that I saw the light. I knew then that I could fool some of the people all the time. I've never looked back.”

A fellow Bonesman and Yale rugby teammate who refused to be identified remarked, “You never could hurt George by hitting him in the head. He got his ideas from bottom-up thinking.”

Witness one George Bush. A little man with big plans and a bigger ego. A small man with big plans for an increasingly small world. A new world order and a free world under his benevolent dictatorship— and where else but in the Twilight Zone?

Rush Limbaugh Says, “Beastiality Has Consequences.”

In a rare moment of candor, Rush Limbaugh admitted he had had carnal knowledge of sheep and pigs and had become infected with syphilis. The former Oxycontin addict stated to reporters that he was checking himself into a rehabilitation clinic for the express purpose of curing his sex addiction to barnyard creatures and receive treatment for the third and final stage of the disease. “I thought the disease had been eradicated,” said an obviously distraught Limbaugh, “When I went deaf a few years ago, it should have been a wake-up call. Now I stand a good chance of going blind, too!”

“It could happen to anyone,” Rush said. “I’m just sorry it didn’t happen to some liberal Democrat instead of me.”

Forever the consummate shill, Limbaugh said he’d put out feelers to the National Association of Syphilitics to be their poster boy, “for a fee.”

CIA Covers For Bush’s Torture Crimes

“Shamefully we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management, U.S. management.” —Edward Kennedy

It would appear that the Bush administration will have no comment on this ongoing investigation and the Justice Department’s looking into alleged wrongdoing involved with the burning of videotapes showing water-boarding of AlQaeda suspects. Water-boarding, for those of you who’ve been off-planet the last few years, is the act making the victim feel as if he were drowning by pouring water through a rag that is stuffed into his mouth. It’s very effective because there is a real good chance that it can kill you if overdone in the slightest. In fact some detainees have died, not necessarily from drowning, but heart attacks. Seems safe to me, though.

I believe it should be made law that if anyone says that water-boarding is not torture, he should immediately be grabbed and water-boarded in front of the Senate.

George Bush is safe. He’s got his new lackey Attorney General Mukasey working up a big smokescreen on this investigation, and you can be sure George Tenet isn’t going to sing any new tunes.

Happy Days Are Here Again!

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to a retrospective peek at the past seven years, I was much further ahead back then. In fact, you’d have to be living under a rock somewhere with Rip Van Winkle to think you’re better off today. You'd have to be insane.

The price of gasoline has sky rocketed. The value of the dollar has plummeted. The economy has slowed to a crawl. China is trying to poison us with lead toys. Our food companies try to poison us with e coli spinach and meat.
We have a vice president being kept alive artificially and a Secretary of state who ponces around the world doing nothing. We are still trying to prop up puppet heads of state who attempt to sell us their dictatorships as democracies. We are bogged down in two
different countries fighting wars that make no sense. We’ve got an idiot for a president living in a fantasy world who thinks his way of doing things is right because he believes there is a God who talks to him and tells him to spread freedom and democracies to countries which have no idea what it is because they’ve lived under the guns and knives of petty tyrants forever.

Yeah, we’re better off. Keep drinking the Kool Aid, children.

Follow The Money

Fat oinker, Rush Limbaugh works for Clear Channel Broadcasting as a controversial shill and global warming denier. He sidelines as a pederast with young boys on trips to the Dominican Republic. It is in his best interest to keep Exxon Mobil happy.

Projects of the Media Research Center include the Free Market Project, the Conservative Communications Center, and Cybercast News Service (CNSNews.com), formerly the Conservative News Service. It also runs the website TimesWatch.org, dedicated to pointing out what it sees as the overwhelming liberal bias of the New York Times.

Rush Limbaugh has nothing but praise for the MRC. He raves, "Brent Bozell and the MRC provide a most precious commodity - a quest for the truth. I can't possibly expose every example of bias and error that emanates from the national mainstream media, but Bozell and his group come as close as anyone can. MRC is a vital national interest."

Excluding 2007, Media Research Center has received $202,500 from ExxonMobil since 1998.

I guess it’s pretty obvious that the truth can be held hostage if you have money.

The Fog Of War Meets The Fog Of Presidential Thought Process

“Once you look at this demon in the face, and don't run away, the fear slowly dissipates like a fog and there's nothing staring back at you.” —Nicholas Brendon

President Bush grossed himself out while visiting Later Reed Medical Center. He was introduced to a young soldier with an amputated left leg who obviously took delight in the president’s embarrassment after the president said, “Hey, soljer! Hop to it for your commander-in-chief! Oh, shit, that came out wrong! What I meant to say was, I wish you guys wouldn’t come home at all instead of coming back with missing parts and making me feel funny, you freaky bastards, yuck!”

President Attends National Tree Lighting, Tree Surgeon Called

The National Christmas tree was illuminated by President Bush last evening. The tree remained erect for over four hours causing some concern among most of those present at the ceremony. The president, in a rare fit of compassion for anything, made an emergency call to a Washington area tree surgeon who came and cut the tree down.

“Everyone has heard those warnings on TV.” said the president, “You know, with those people sitting in bathtubs and all. Ya cain’t be too careful these days. What if these trees got the knowledge to make Nuke-u-lar weapons?”

NIE Report Says Bush Is Lying To Us, Or Something

“I apologize for lying to you. I promise I won't deceive you except in matters of this sort.” —Spiro T. Agnew

George Bush came to the podium yesterday thinking he could still convince the American people that if they didn't believe that Iran was evil and would kill them in a New York second, they must think he was crazy. He then said, “Be afraid, be very very afraid. Pay no attention to the economy, the sub-prime mortgage fiasco, the price of oil, the housing market slump, all those people who never found jobs and are now off the unemployment roles. Just trust me. Iran is going to get you! Boo! If ya’ll don’t believe me, I can’t help you, and you know you’re the only reason I wanted to be president...to protect you from evil doers.”

The president then spun on his heel after ignoring questions from the press corps, tore the head off of a White House aide and flung the bloody body against the door jamb with the resounding thud of dead meat. He then ran, cackling, down the hallway.

And That Takes Care Of That!

“The Republicans would like to take us back to a darker time, when corporations ruled and the underserved had no rights.” —Joe Baca

At the ceremonial burning of the bill of rights, Lynne Cheney, wife of Vice President Dick Cheney was given the high honor of lighting the original document on fire, thereby relieving the American public of its last vestiges of any power whatsoever over the federal government.

“After all,” Ms Cheney said, “We are not now, nor have we ever been a democracy. We are a republic, where fools like the public foolishly elect people to represent them. They get only what they deserve.”

Sean Hannity Linked To Hostage Taker, Leeland Eisenberg

“People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.” —Francis Bacon

Shortly before taking a number of hostages at a Hillary Clinton campaign center in Rochester, New Hampshire, Leeland Eisenberg took a picture of himself and this letter stuck to the passenger-side window of his car. After his capture, he claimed he knew nothing about it and said, “I think for myself when I’m not crazy. I never do what Sean Hannity tells me to do!”

Dead Horse Beaten, Stands And Pulls Cart!

“Adultery is the application of democracy to love.” —H. L. Mencken

All Rudi ever says is 9-11, expecting this single credential he assumes is a feather in his cap will propel him to the GOP(your pants) nomination if not the presidency.

Imagine, if you will, however, a sleazy guy with a bad comb-over (he fakes his looks) hiding from his wife in order to rendezvous with his mistress (he cheats on his wife). Now imagine that he also is using public funds to pay for their private security and transportation (he steals from you).

Now that’s what America needs! A guy that seems to be one thing and is actually another. Nothing above board. A liar and a cheat, not to mention a thief.

But wait a second. We already have one of those. Never mind.

Rush Limbaugh Goes To Hell, Gets Big Reception

“Obscenity, which is ever blasphemy against the divine beauty in life, is a monster for which the corruption of society forever brings forth new food, which it devours in secret.” —Percy Bysshe Shelley

Somewhere there is an attic with a horrid portrait of Rush Limbaugh, a caricature of syphilitic grandeur slowly rotting it’s way to a pile of buboes, pus and spirochetes. The fact that it is possible to fool some of the people all of the time has never had a more dangerous connotation for our country. Both he and George Bush have this figured out. Those are the people they concentrate upon with misinformation, exaggeration, fear and hate, having set themselves up as paragons of intelligence and virtue.

Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth.

Scott McClellan Grows A Pair...Finally

“Men should be either treated generously or destroyed, because they take revenge for slight injuries - for heavy ones they cannot.” —Niccolo Machiavelli

Although it is apparently much too late in the game to have any value, Scott McClellan is finally naming names. As any stalwart Bush aide who was forced to bite the bullet, no doubt for his own good, McClellan finally decided he didn’t get paid off properly and is going to get his pound of flesh by publishing his kiss and tell book regarding the outing of Valerie Plame in a vengeful act by the Bush administration to get back at Plame’s husband, Ambassador George Wilson for casting aspersions on the reasons for going to war in Iraq.

Dick Cheney was seen in his undisclosed location snarling and gnawing on the corner of his office’s carpet. He claimed it was merely an imitation of his daughter.

When reached for comment, George Bush said, “I’m happy because Jesus and the American people love me.” He then proceeded to sniff three lines of coke off his glass topped desk.

Veterans Against The War

“I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine. It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, for vengeance, for desolation. War is hell.” —William Tecumseh Sherman

Mission Accomplished, the banner proclaimed. That was way back in May 2003 when our noble soldier-playing president flew onto the aircraft carrier, USS Abraham Lincoln, and told us the hostilities were all but over in Iraq. This was back when the death tally was a scant 170 brave young men and women. Today the total is 3866. It is also likely to continue to mount.

Many who do not die and who in previous conflicts would have, are saved by speedy medical treatment and thereby damned to a fate worse than death... survival with maimed, deformed bodies with damaged souls. The rate of suicide has doubled among our soldiers.

Sherman also observed, “In our Country... one class of men makes war and leaves another to fight it out.” With that in mind, it’s not difficult to figure out what kind of class President George W. Bush has.

Still Crazy After All These Years

“I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means.” —Clarence Darrow

They say that girls love a man in uniform. I’d say that some men also love men in uniform —especially themselves. It’s fun to march in a parade, salute, be saluted return salutes. Oh, golly is it fun. Especially when no one is going to be shooting at you from behind a camel or something.

To have an unerring faith in an invisible cloud being that talks to you and tells you that it’s alright to kill people to save your kind of people and advance an ideology that very few of the people on whom you intend to foist the ideology have any idea. Except that they get to have purple fingers every so often. That’s almost as good as wearing a uniform. Uniformity of fingers.

Bush, Sarkozy Agree To Live In The Past

“If the liberties of the American people are ever destroyed, they will fall by the hands of the clergy.” —Marquis de Lafayette

Whenever it is convenient, George Bush can return to the past. When it is inconvenient, he takes the expedient route to covering the truth. Platitudes are swell. The truth can suffer. There was no Armenian genocide by the Turks.

I'm not sure who Lafayette was talking about. The Taliban or the Religious Right led by Pat Robertson and the other Holy Terroists this country is confronted with. Either will suffice, I’m sure. Just as long as it’s not talk radio.

I Call It “Spendthriftiness!” —G.W. Bush

“To do what we are doing in this budget to our children, cutting their health care funds, decreasing opportunity, simply so we can pay for tax cuts and a war in Iraq is beyond belief, and we need to reverse it.” —Tom Allen

Hi. My name is George Bush and I think I’m getting close to bankrupting the country. Our economy is booming. I know we owe an awful lot of money to China. Heh, heh. Well, let’s see ’em try to collect. In the meantime I'm trying to bring the rest of the world down to their economic level so everyone will be the same, see. A Mexican worker will be the same as an American worker. I mean, they’ll both be getting the same pay for the same work. That way they’ll be equal. Everybody wins! It’s a win, win, win, win situation! Even the Iraqi worker will have been pulled up by his boot straps.

Of course the rich will run the world as usual. Gotta have tax cuts for the wealthy so they can create all these equal-paying jobs. Hot damn, am I good! Move over Alan Greenspan. Mister Economic genius is here.

Armenian Genocide. It Didn’t Happen There, It Can’t Happen Here.

Yes! It's true. It was the shifty-eyed Armenians, who like the Jews, got a hold of some Photoshop® applications and, can you believe it, INVENTED the Armenian Genocide by clever photo-manipulation.

George W Bush, in a rare fit of understanding, concurred, citing the possibility that Turkey might present a greater threat than Communist China when it comes to his pissing off a foreign nation with over 1,321,851,888 people ready and eager to throw away their lives should their regime ask. He then presented the Dali Lama with the Congressional Gold medal for coming in first or something.

Contacted in his grave, Abdul Gamal Attaturk, spun a few times and said, “Thank you, MeesterBoosh! You are the one true friend that Turkey can always depend on. Our human rights record remains impeccable. Give our mutual friend Mahmood Amadinajad my best regards. He is some poofter you bet.”

I just wonder where all those extra heads came from. Must have been a sale at Big Lots.

Proud Turkish officers pose with the actual re-touched Photoshop® retouched heads of Armenian leaders in Yerevan. This picture was never taken.

The Truth Shall Set You Free, Probably Along With A Little Arbeit.

The Armenian Genocide is known to Holocaust experts as Hitler's Blueprint. In 1938 when talking about his plan to exterminate the Jews he said "after all who ever speaks of the Armenians" and then added "no one remembers the Armenians no one will remember the Jews."*

The Turks refusal to admit to the Armenian Genocide is outrageous. Just as outrageous is our country’s perpetual inability to embrace what is so obviously true. Let’s just admit it and let the chips fall where they may. Who need a bunch of Islamist idiots with their heads up their asses for friends. We already have plenty of right wing chicken-hawk, neo-conservative, bible-thumping Republican zealots for “friends.”

*Lifted from a comment on “Politco” by one Wendyagogo (screen name)

New Age Turks Gin Up Opportunity For Genocide.

Looking real please with herself, Condi Rice says the Armenian Genocide never happened. Our heroic President and his Secretary of State stood firm in the face of a resolution from the Foreign Affairs Committee condemning the Armenian Genocide and condemned, to no avail, the resolution. But they couldn’t save the Kurds from a Turkish invasion.

Turkey Resolves to Give Go-Ahead for Raids in Iraq!

Kurds will be likely victims of Turkish incursion and new genocide in northern Iraq. Betcha the Turks can kill more Kurds than Saddam did. And they taste just like chicken!

Whadaya Mean, Bill Of Rights?

Someone once said, “If you give up your freedom for security, you deserve neither!” George W. Bush likes the idea that you would have you give up both so that he, the decider, can conclude how the American people should be secured and how much he can hide under your bed. That’s called “Power.”

And as we know, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I'd rather fight them here when it comes right down to it. Maybe the neo-con chickenhawks might actually feel threatened enough to get out from behind their hate-filled microphones and try a little cooperation with the real world.

Evidently the FBI has been spying on American citizens even before 9/11. That should make people like Rush Limbaugh proud. It could also give him pause if they find his internet and phone records show he’s been have sex with little boys from the Dominican Republic.

Ann Coulter Farts In Your General Direction...

Contemptible publicity grabber, Ann Coulter has written another book, “If Democrats Had Any Brains, They’d Be Republicans.” This exhibitionist cranks out more pulp and prevarication than any author alive. I don’t know how many different ways a person can say the same stupid things, but she probably holds the Guiness World Record. Despite the obvious, as noted above, she rarely turns the other cheek.

And, yes, even her breath smells like methane.

Putting Lipstick On A Pig.

“Evil is whatever distracts.” —Franz Kafka

At least the Bush Administration attempts to make the news palletable by putting a better looking face than Tony Snow’s on it. However, it doesn’t make the news any truer. In fact the spin is mostly simple obfuscation:

Q I guess the point is that if the senior administration official told us on a conference call that these methods wouldn't be used, why won't you say whether or not head-slapping, waterboarding, would be used?

MS. PERINO: I don't believe that I -- I'm not in a position to be able to do that. I am not going to comment on specific techniques. And if there's -- I don't know who that individual was, and maybe you can follow up with them and get more.

Q But your point is that you're giving away things to the enemy, but it was okay for someone to do it, but not okay for you to do it? Or are you just --

MS. PERINO: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know who was on the conference call. I don't -- what I -- I know what I know, which is that techniques that we use are classified, and classified for a reason. To the extent that there was one ruled out, then so be it. But I'm not going to comment on others.

Q And you won't say whether waterboarding is being ruled out, or head-slapping has been ruled out?

MS. PERINO: I'm not going to comment on those.

Q What is your definition of "torture?"

MS. PERINO: Well, that's clearly spelled out in the -- in the Detainee Treatment Act, and interpreted under the December 2004 opinion that governs, and has governed -- and if you look at the footnote from that opinion, governs all subsequent opinions that have been made by the Justice Department.

Q And has -- have any attacks been averted since President Bush revealed the existence of his program, because terrorism suspects have been held in the program?

MS. PERINO: I don't know, Toby. It's not -- I can tell you that General Hayden and Fran Townsend, the President's National -- Homeland Security and Counterterrorism Advisor, have said that this program continues to save lives. When we can, we declassify information so that we can provide it to you. But right now I don't have any to provide.

There’s nothing like appearing to give information while providing absolutely nothing of substance. What a waste of time.

Bush Abdicates! Returns To Nature.

“Some people think I’ve gone bananas,” said George Bush from his new cave where he and a pretty little chimp named Fuzzy are spending an ersatz abba dabba honeymoon away from the public eye for the first time since his last visit to Crawford. “I couldn’t get that cute little Condi to come with me cause she can’t shop for shoes in the jungle.”

“Hell, Pickles doens’t mind me doin’ a little swingin’,” he added missing his own pun, “she’s spent more time at the Mayflower hotel lately than the concierge who runs the joint.”

How To Get A Trophy Wife.

Laura Ingraham talks to Fred Thompson regarding his conservative style. Always the gentleman, Fred surprised her by giving he a severe tongue-lashing until she cried out with what could only be construed as pleasure, screaming, “Power to the people!”.

Later, Laura confessed that she wasn’t in the least surprised at Fred’s technique for acquiring a wife less than half his age.

“If he weren’t taken,” announced Laura, “I’d certainly consider riding him for a couple of laps.”

Hi! Remember Me? I’m The Guy With The Mysteriously Disappearing WMDs. And I’m Dead. How Did All That Shit Go Down?

Betrayal is the only truth that sticks. —Arthur Miller

My good friend Donald Rumsfeld sold me a lot of shit back when he worked for Ronald Regan. That’s what we used up fighting the Iranians. Thats when they disappeared. And word has it that it was the Iranians who gassed the Kurds. Not me. Back then America liked us and we like them. In fact, they eve liked and supported, Osama Bin Laden in his fight against the Soviets in Afghanistan.

WTF?

Hey, “it’s a crazy world. Somebody ought to sell tickets.”* Oh, well, I guess I'll be dead for a while now and be quiet like everybody wants. It’s hard, sometimes, to know who your friends really are.

Rummy and Saddam close the deal.

*from Raising Arizona

Baby Face Bush On Crime Spree! Runs Amok! Unstoppable!

Senate Democratic and Republican leaders have lined up all the singing fat ladies they can find, but no one seems able to stop the Bush juggernaut from rolling onward. The din in the Senate chambers is deafening.

“We’re doomed!” Harry Reid was heard to utter as Rush Limbaugh ground out his cigar in the senator’s eye.

Work, Work, Work, Hello, Boys!

It’s hard work, doin’ hard work and by golly this is hard work. That irresponsible Democrat Congress is wearin’ on me. I cain’t help it I spent all that money on Iraq and have nothing to show for it. Gotta show some phisical responsibility. Why I coulda took all that money down to the track, doubled it, and put it back in the cookie jar before Pickles even knew it was gone.

Shee-it! Now everybody gonna think I hate kids. Well, I do. Let the little brats work for their health insurance like I did. What? OK. So I didn't have to. So what?