Thursday, July 27, 2006

You're A Great American!

“When a poor man, hungry and unseeing because his eyesight is failing, grabs me and starts begging, I feel the Nazi in myself. I abhor this man, and I want him to keep his hands off me."
—George Stevens

“Hi, Sean,” the caller says, “you're a great American.”
“Hi, you're a great American, too, my friend.” says Sean.
“No, Sean, you're a greater American than I am!”
“Oh, no, my friend you're a greater American than I am!”
"No, you are!”
“No, you are!
“OK, my friend we're both great Americans,” Sean concedes, “Thanks for calling!”
“Today,” continues Sean, “we're gonna talk with Ann Coulter, Bill O'Riley, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Ollie North, Joe Liberman, Laura Ingraham, Rush Limbaugh and Bill Clinton. What's that? Clinton had to bow out? Monica must be back in town. Why that liar! I guess that's what I'd expect from that adultorous, impeachable, liberal smut merchant! I always maintained that he'd never have been elected if Reagan were allowed to run again! Right, Ollie?
OK, now if you're as afraid as I am of the Democrats and Commie, fag, dope-smoking liberals hijacking the country and getting in control of our defense and our security in the upcoming elections you'll want to work hard to make sure that that doesn't happen. I know I'm speaking for all you great Americans when I say that I'm just barely holding my fudge! I know that most of you have already stopped holding it! Go change you pants, but be very, very afraid.”

“God bless you all!”

“Uh, here's Dave from New Haven Connecticut; hi, Dave!”

“Hello, Sean, I'd like to take exception to our President's reluctance to push for a cease-fire in Lebanon...”

“Oh, for the love of Mike! You liberals are all the same, cut and run cowards. You think we should give people who are our sworn enemies, who want to kill us all, a chance to rearm? You know why Israel bombed Beiruit airport? So they can't fly in more weapons! You nut-bag! You stupid jerk. I’d like to come over there to New Haven and punch your lights out. I have caller ID. I know who you are and where you live!”

(Plays sound-bite) “Get off the phone, ya big dope!”

Have you ever heard such hateful, jack-booted, thuggish, egotistical, ratbag, blow-hard, hot-air drivel?


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