Tuesday, August 05, 2008

George Bush Figures Out How To Scare The Be-Jesus Out Of The Country

Since most Americans are not easily frightened of invading hordes of radical Muslims and Taliban fighters wading ashore in Ocean City New Jersey, it was necessary to find a more insidious means of scaring the country into compliance so that the Patriot Act would pass and grant all kinds of extra powers to the executive branch.

So Dubya had a government lab go to work in Cheney’s secret underground bunker and produced the perfect solution. An innocent white powder in appearance, but a really creepy disease in reality. Perfect. But they had to avoid detection. Cheney came up with another perfect solution, manipulate Bruce Ivins, an employee who had worked in the government lab to produce the deadly toxin and distribute it, have the CIA kill him and make it look like a suicide. The guy was so depressed at being instrumental in killing five victims he didn’t really care.

Better living through chemistry. Case closed.

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