Blagojevich Goes Down!

Just when you thought you had something golden, some mug pulls the rug out from under you. The master of political innuendo, Rod Blagojevich, blabbed his conniving ass off during wire-tapped conversations intercepted by the FBI making Federal Prosecuter, Patrick Fitzgerald’s hair catch on fire. The Senate seat in question is now on E-Bay awaiting auction.

A small 6.7 temblor was felt throughout Illinois, thought to be caused by Lincoln spinning in his grave.

Beautiful Dreamers..Well Dreamers, Anyway

This is the kind of shit that makes me sick. The Speaker of the House and the House Majority Leader pontificating on who they are going to hold accountable for what, never mind why. And not only that. Amidst a chorus of WTF, Harry Reid pronounces that, now that the Congress has it’s new air-conditioning system (which came in at something like $3 million over budget) in place he no longer has to suffer the malodorous tourists visiting his holy seat in the hallowed halls of the U.S.lawmakers. Imagine that. Harry thinks the public stinks.

Meanwhile, gutless, no, she has a gut and a rather bloated one. (She is an old harpy who’s trying to maintain her youthful appearance with face-lifts and body wraps). Let’s say, spineless Nancy, is pledging to hold accountable the Big Three Auto Makers for the money congress might lend them. I said, lend them. Which implies they are pledging to pay it back. Why she would do this when she has acquiesced and shirked every other challenge she could have performed as her public, nay, congressional duty?

I'll clue you in. She likes Washington and she likes the power she has garnered. She played Bush like a violin and now is trying to continue playing her constituency and the American people. It’s time to send her a message. Oh, yeah. Send one to Harry too. Something has been rotten in Washington since he got there. He stinks.

Hannity Interviews The Real President

Sean Hannity sank to a new low yesterday, exposing Dick Cheney as the real POTUS.

“I tricked it out of him,” said Hannity. “You know, you know, I’m really good at it. That’s how I got my own show! And I really like money. I shill for just about anyone. Oh, hell, I DO shill for anyone if they’ve go money to throw at me. Ruth’s Chris, GM, hey, just call me if you’ve got money. Whatever shitty thing you got, you know, I can sell.”

It’s A Little Tight In The Seat

Laura Ingraham reacts with obvious disgust as she tries on the military’s new “Eviscerated Cadaver” fighting uniform for conservatives who would like to reclaim the country they lost to the Democrats through their obliviousness to the needs of the American people and their greed for themselves.

“I nearly vomited up my spleen,” Ingraham shrieked later, “I've never experienced defeat like this in my life. I've always been paid well. I don't know how I'll make it on a few measly million a year, endorsing shitty products and selling my stupid books. I mean, I’m entitled to much more from the free market that we neo-cons have worshipped for so long and have profited from so greatly at the expense of others. I mean where else are you going to get quality, Naziesque hate-speech so cheaply? And look what Obama has done to the economy already!”

Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity were seen later modeling their new cadaver suits at one of Hannity’s Freedom Concerts where Hank Williams Junior endeavored to whip the audience into a frenzy by tearing the heads off kittens and spraying the crowd with blood.

Does Anyone Know What’s Going On?

Asked if they knew what had happened to the economy during a senate hearing, Henry “Hank” Paulson and Ben “The Wad” Bernanke replied that they hadn’t the foggiest notion. In fact, they said that they were only hanging around because their pay was so good they couldn’t afford to walk away in tough times like these.

Asked if they felt bad about it, they replied as one, stating simultaneously, “No.” Asked to explain why he had suddenly switched from a position to buy up the viral paper owned by the banks because of the mortgage fiasco to bailing out the credit industry, which like his treasury also runs on dreams and good wishes, Paulson said, “It’s kinda like fairies. If you don't clap your hands and say, ‘I believe,’ they die. The same goes for money.”

Bringing America To Its Knees

With the election over, Rush just can't wait to start destroying Obama and his adminisration before it is even in office. Bashing Rahm Emanuel as Chief of Staff even before he has a staff. Blaming Obama’s election for the decline of the Dow because people are afraid. They got over their fear pretty well yesterday, however, long enough to take a few profits.

This man should be ignored and feared. He is the divisive force that has made greed and hate all it has become to our society. He is a Nazi and a Grand Wizard rolled into one little unloveable hairball of cat puke. I can't wait for the Fairness Doctrine to be reenacted. Then you'll hear some sputter and flatulance from this wad of filth.

The Geezer And Gidget

The wait is nearly over. Soon the talk-radio stations will be filled with ranting and gnashing of teeth, the likes of which America has never heard. Sean, Rush, Laura, Levin, Savage...all insane at the thought, nay the reality that Brack Obama is now President-elect. January twentieth, he will be President in fact. If they are always right, how could they have been so very wrong. Even with all their desperate prevarication and spin. It really proves there are more of us than there are of them.

Wrong Again, Rush

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Unfortunately for people like that pig , Flush Limbaugh, those words are not from the Constitution of the United States, but from the Declaration of Independence which makes all his ranting about abortion and right to life irrelevant and immaterial. The words have nothing to do with the law of the land. The constitution says nothing about right to life. As close as the constitution gets is to state;

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.”

Oh, yeah, and that socialism story about Thanksgiving, Rush... I think your hero, George Bush’s, socialistic bailout of Wall Street and the Banks to the tune of $700 billion beats out the Pilgrims first failed attempt at socialism more than 200 years later.

Racists In Denial

“There's a lot more hypocrisy than before. Racism has gone back underground.” —Richard Pryor

Check out this vulgar pigboy. Today he was defending the popular take that he is a racist. Yesterday he was all about how General Colin Powell had finally broken his silence and endorsed Obama because Barack was going to win the election. That he is endorsing him primarily because of their shared blackness.

Limbaugh, who did all he could do keep McCain from being the Republican nominee, could hardly keep his head from exploding because of this betrayal by Powell, condemning him for never being a true republican or a conservative while he was Bush’s Uncle Tom pushing WMDs to the UN.

Do we remember why Rush lost his job on ESPN? He resigned before he got fired. Would an innocent sportscaster do that?

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=1628539

Ipso facto QED. I rest my case.

Oh, Yeah. This Shit’s Goin’ Down

Can you imagine the wailing and the gnashing of teeth when Limbaugh, Hannity and Ingraham finally wake up and smell the spittle they’ve left on their microphones? When Glen Beck finally does what he needs to do for his country? When Bill Krystol’s head explodes and Brit Hume finally decides to mourn his son’s death properly. When Joe the Plumber decides he’s rather make $250,000 as a brain surgeon and returns to school? And when America’s chickens come home to roost?

Everyone will be surprised. “Brave New World” wasn’t just a book. It was a real glimpse into a real future, only a little short sighted. It’s gonna happen.

Land Of The Freak, Home of the Knave

“Obscenity is a cleansing process, whereas pornography only adds to the murk.” —Henry Miller

She just won't quit. Like some 1950s beauty queen winking at the horny judges in the first row at Atlantic City to put herself in better stead, Sarah does everything but deep throat the mike to stimulate the conservative, evangelical masses to a frenetic orgasm. The crowd yells, “Terrorist!” “Kill him!” “Traitor!” “Nobama!” “Off with his head!” And other even worse epithets.

Problem is, the RNC, along with the intelligent people of this country, is finally coming to realize that Sarah Palin is the riskiest pick John McCain could have ever made for his vice presidential running mate and the most dangerous. One thing is for certain. His choice says an awfully lot about his poor judgment and desperation.

Ya Want Abuse? I'll Give Ya Abuse, You Betcha!

Above is a picture of Governor Palin taking at the executive mansion in Anchorage, Alaska taken on a warm day last summer before all the hub-bub went down and she became John McCain's running mate. An executive panel formed to look into alleged abuse of power as governor recently found that, although she didn’t break any specific laws, she did indeed abuse her power as governor in the case of the dismissal of Public Safety Officer Walt Monegan for the refusal to fire Trooper Wooten, the governor’s ex brother-in-law.

Although there was no “legal” wrong doing, there were 18 ethical violations which goes even deeper into the heart of why this woman was perhaps the faultiest choice Jon McCain could have made for his vice presidential running mate. Or then again, this sneaky little bitch might be exactly what his campaign needed.

Rush Limbaurgh’s Head Explodes, Constipation Cured.

In what appeared to be a freak accident brought on by Oxycontin withdrawal, Rush Limbaugh’s head exploded yesterday during a desperate rant urging the extreme right-wing-nut base to kil and eat liberals before they can take over the government.

After the explosion, Rush, examining his besmirched golden micriphone, was heard muttering to Snerdly about how much better he felt to get “that shit” out of his system.

The Joke’s On You, America.

Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools,
that don't have brains enough to be honest.
—Benjamin Franklin

After eating a breakfast of fresh brains, Senator McCain and his faithful zombie companion, Sarah, hit the campaign trail, spreading peace and love everywhere they went, not to mention lots of corpses. Pledging to bring prosperity to an ailing economy, McCain regaled the throngs with anecdotes about Black Muslims and their plan to take over America, impugning the credentials of Barack Obama and linking him to “Malcom Ten,” the deceased black leader that McCain says Senator Obama met 3 years before he was born.

If There Were Any Justice...Part II

After the election in November when Obama and Biden win, people who voted for John McCain and Sarah Palin should be forced to live in a parallel universe and endure eight more years of Bush policies...just because that's what they wanted.

Fall From Grace Or “Pray With Me Henry.”

Sometimes things just don’t work out. Like when you spend the treasure of the richest country in the world on silly things like war, false international friends who turn on you, tax breaks for your rich friends and candy. When the only way to fix it is to continue throwing money at it until you can’t borrow any more from the Chinese.

But, no, that will never happen on George’s watch.

McCain Names His Poison. And It’s Name Is Sarah!

It was all gonna be so simple. All Johnny Mack had to do was name a dream girl to his campaign as his Vice Presidential running mate and he’d swing all the thwarted and pissed off Hillary supporters into his camp. Where did it all go wrong? Was it when Limbaugh and Hannity started to loose it and their heads exploded during the Wall Street debacle? Was it When he went to Washington to solve the $700,000,000,000 bailout by brokering a bi-partisan solution and lost the bet trying to save his campaign?

No. It was becoming clearer now. It was when that hot ex-runner-up beauty-skank said,“Heck, yah! I’ll run with ya, Johnny. Yer kinda cute. Hero too! Wipe you feet. No, not there. Stand over here with the rest of the hockey team. Where’s your wife, Cindy? Hey! Yah ever seen Russia from an Alaskan bedroom window?”

Brother, Can You Spare $700Bn?

Oh, it’s coming alright. You can count on it. And I mean a world of hurt. Whether or not Wall Street is bailed out or not. The writing is on the wall and since Dubya always gets what he wants or throws a hissy fit, you know he’s gonna cause trouble one way or the other.

Rush Rimjob says it’s because the Democrats made Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac pay reparations to black people who couldn’t afford the mortgage payments on the homes they bought and were foreclosed upon. He’s nuts, you know. He also blames Obama for accusing the fat cats and greed on Wall Street. Funny he mentions nothing about Johnny Mack blaming the same greed and tycoons. Nut job. Panicking and besmirching his pants along with Hannity.

I'm sorry, but I won’t part with the money to be watching the Ditto-Cam when his head explodes.

Where’s Dick Been?

Evidently Dick has made so much money, he’s been packing for the last few days at his undisclosed secret location at the Fortress of Solitude where he’s been licking his wounds after his most recent snub by the leaders of Uzbekistan or one of the other Stans. When reached for comment, Cheney said, “Go f**k yourself.”

McCain Learns Something...From Karl Rove, Lenin and Goebels

If you tell the same lie consistently and often it will appear to be the truth, and unless challenged, will be accepted by the American people as the truth. If not refuted it, may as well be the truth. Unfortunately, it is not that the majority of the American people have a real problem with the substance or lack of substance of these lies. They are a diversion.

This, sadly, America, is how you really think about Barack Obama and why you are afraid of him.

Forgetfulness, Like An Old Trusted Friend Lulls Us To Complacency

It’s beginning to look like the country has forgotten what the last eight years have lead us to. The economy is in the tank. The taxpayer is in constant peril of bailing out financial institutions which the government neglected to properly watch. The price of fuel and food is skyrocketing. Unemployment is rising. And no one seems to have the proper amount of health insurance. We strut around the world telling sovereign nations what to to to help us out and they laugh at us. We try to buy friends and are rightly snubbed.

Now we’re told that a governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin as Vice President would make all the difference in the world. That this gun-toting, wolf-shooting, salmon-fishing moose gutter is ready and fit to lead our country should the actuarial tables prove the odds correct. She has breathed new life into the crypt keeper, John McWheeze, and empowered the every woman in America to have a Down syndrome baby of her own. With her nasal, whining voice she has shown her ignorance of the most dangerous foreign policy of our day, the Bush doctrine, which states that if you concoct enough evidence of “imminent” threat you can blow the shit out of any country you want like a nice neighbor gone bad, shooting the kids on his lawn with a shotgun only they aren’t on his lawn, they’re in their beds next door.

My country, wrong or wrong. Hey, what are YOU doing here?

Conservative Three Ring Circus

Come one, come all! The big show has already begun. We’ve got Larry “Wide-Stance-Gobbler” Craig. We’ve got Rudy “Third-Time’s-The-Charm” Guiliani, Newt “Here-Are-Your-Divorce-Papers-You Cancer-Riddled-Bitch” Gingrich and The Two-Timing ex-POW John “The Songbird Adulterer” McCain.

For your added enjoyment, may we present the Queen of Trailer Trash, Sarah “Can’t-Keep-My-Knees-Together” Palin. She will shoot apples off the tops of all her children whilst crooning like Francis McDormond. Uff-da!

Wait, wait. It's not what it looks like. Well, OK. It is what it looks like, but I can explain.

Right Wing Sideshow Freaks Go Mad!

As usual, the first casualty of any battle is truth. The disgusting pigboy of the EIB Network, the pundit of the Rush Limbaugh Institute for the study of Conservatism went on a blasphemous tirade today. Screeching like a tea kettle boiling over, this pompous ass proceeded to eviscerate the media, the democrats, the liberals and almost anyone who disagreed with him. He kept up the vomit for his three hours, calling people asses for calling him the hypocrite he is while pretending to be a Godly, forgiving Christian. A pro life idiot who believes in teaching abstinence, condemns sex education and doesn't realize how badly an unwanted pregnancy can screw up a promising life. He will defend to the death (or at least a little pain) the right of Sarah Palin to force your daughter to have her rapist’s baby!

Why The Blank Stare?

I don’t know what five years of torture can do to a man...and quite frankly I don‘t want to find out the hard way.

I know it can make someone do strange things.

The Problem With Zombies

The problem with zombies is that most of the time they just won’t die. They’re tricky and hard to put down permanently. That’s the real problem. They just keep groaning, moving inexorably, and shuffling along in an effort to get more brains. And the poor things don’t even know they’re dead! Usually they are capable of holding their arms no higher than their shoulders as they pursue their prey. The only way to stop them is to vote against them in November.

According To The PUMAs, This Is What Should Have Happened Last Night After The Roll Call Vote Went Bad

Unfortunately, for the PUMAs, it didn’t happen. Hillary graciously told her most ardant supporters to grow up, get a life and vote responsibly. In other words, don’t be assholes.

Down But Not Out...Well, Maybe Out Too...For Now

Resigned to fate, is about all you can say.

Despite the fact that Barack Obama may at some point in the near future may find himself either incapacitated, knee-capped or dead as many other Clinton enemies and friends, Hillary will not slip away into that dark night. She is one to rage against the dying of the light. If she can keep it lit for a few more years, she may make a triumphant return in 2012 or 2016.

Club Gitmo Insanity

Those madcap boys are at it again! More fun than a barrel. More humor than the inside of an eyeball. More laughs than a hyena. Only George and Dick can bore a hole and they don’t know where. The need John McCain to tell them to “Drill now, drill here...right here” where presumably his feet are standing.

And don’t forget to order a bunch of crap from Rush Limbaugh from his “Club Gitmo Collection” so he can continue his riotous trips to the bank, America.

Evil Is As Evil Does

$400 million and this is what you get. Clear Channel ought to have its heads examined. Thirteen million ditto-headed clones who believe this crackpot to be the voice of conservatism, who in reality is no more than an ugly slug crawling on the national cabbage, spewing hatred and divisiveness under the guise of morality. What a hypocrite.

And he’s laughing the whole way to the bank.

The Classic Creeps

Yes. They’re back. Those scary monsters that used to hide under your bed, in your closet when you were a kid! And they’re gonna getcha! They’ve already taken over the country. Now they’re coming for your family. Your wife, your children and there’s nothing you can do to stop them. Now the pods are everywhere. Even your home town. There’s one of them that looks just like you! And you can’t seem to keep from falling asleep. Sleep well, America. George and his creepy friends are awake.

Drinking Games

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” —George Burns

In a vain attempt to show he’s the kinda guy you’d like to have a beer with, President Bush challenged Valdimir Putin to a drinking contest. Whoever could pound down the most shots of Jagermeister would win the world. At a supreme disadvantage because he is, after all, a recovering alcoholic, Bush lost hands down. Everyone will now learn Russian and underwear will be worn on the outside. Cardinal Puff could not be reached for comment.

Iowa State Fair Hosts McCain. Gets Porked

Visiting Iowa in hope that he might garner a few votes from Obama supporters, Senator John McCain munched on a corn dog and blathered farm gibberish to Miss Iowa Pork. Miss Pork smiled in a kind way toward the withered up, white haired senator and asked him what movies he’d made since Miracle on 34th Street. She’d loved him as Fred Mertz in I love Lucy, too.

Bush Off The Wagon Again. Gets Bombed At Olympics.

President Bush was seen staggering drunkenly through the beach volleyball venue at the 2008 Olympic games. It would appear that his adult beverage of choice was an expensive single malt scotch whisky and that he didn’t seem to hold it any better than any other alcohol he’d abused before. High-fiving the athletes and smacking ass, Dubya chanted “USA, USA...oops don’t tell Pickles, Shhhhh!”

Bush Sells Soul. Putin Demands Money Back. Claims Soul Is Worthless.

In what could be described as a drug deal gone wrong, Premier Putin of Russia apparently bought a pig in a poke. Haggling for souls at the Olympic Games on Monday, Putin put in a bid for George W. Bush’s immortal spirit. Unfortunately, when he got it back to his hotel room he found he had been swindled.

“It was merely this black, oily piece of goo about the size of a dead cherry stone clam. A piece of crap!” noted Putin. “Even Joseph Stalin’s soul was about the size of a watermelon and pink. I want my money back. And I paid in Euros, damn it!”

George Bush refused all inquiries and was on his way back to the states on Air Force One.

The Wisdom Of King Solomon

And, since no one could agree, with one whack, Solomon cut the Democratic Party in half.

Half the party voted for Obama. The other half stayed home or out of spite voted Republican.

John McCain went on to become president and the Democrats gnashed their teeth, rent their clothes and cursed in vain for the promised land that might have been had they not been such assholes.

Quoting Glenn Beck...

“Sometimes you gotta do what’s right for the country” —Glenn Beck

That’s why he set himself on fire like a Buddhist monk and burned himself to death. Good boy, Glenn.

The Power! Yeah, The Power! Uh, The Powder... Man, Was That Good Shit!

George Bush Figures Out How To Scare The Be-Jesus Out Of The Country

Since most Americans are not easily frightened of invading hordes of radical Muslims and Taliban fighters wading ashore in Ocean City New Jersey, it was necessary to find a more insidious means of scaring the country into compliance so that the Patriot Act would pass and grant all kinds of extra powers to the executive branch.

So Dubya had a government lab go to work in Cheney’s secret underground bunker and produced the perfect solution. An innocent white powder in appearance, but a really creepy disease in reality. Perfect. But they had to avoid detection. Cheney came up with another perfect solution, manipulate Bruce Ivins, an employee who had worked in the government lab to produce the deadly toxin and distribute it, have the CIA kill him and make it look like a suicide. The guy was so depressed at being instrumental in killing five victims he didn’t really care.

Better living through chemistry. Case closed.

The Republican Presidential Candidate

There’s an old saying. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

And You Know It’s Going To Happen.

The criminals will get away with it and there is nothing anyone can do about it. The only good news is that it is doubtful that they will be doing lot of international travel in the near future. It took Simon Rosenthal a long time, but he finally nabbed Eichman. Think good thoughts and maybe justice will someday be done. Oh wait a minute. What am I saying. Never mind. THAT will never happen.

Illegal Spying Made Legal For Bush

“President Bush and his administration have tried to pull the wool over our eyes and distract the public from this possibly illegal domestic spying scandal.” —Ellen Tauscher

Not since Lyndon Johnson got his bedtime reading from J.Edgar Hoover (AKA Mary) concerning the sexploits of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. has a president been more guilty of spying on the public than now. Behind a screen of fear mongering that the jihadist bogeyman is gonna getcha, this administration runs roughshod over the constitution ignoring the fourth amendment which prohibits illegal search and seizure. Somehow a lame duck president managed to arm wrestle a spineless congress into capitulation on prosecuting the telecommunications companies for their illegal aid in funishing private phone records of individual citizens.

A U.S. president's granting immunity from prosecution for a constitutional crime. Isn't that, like, treason or something?

It’s Not Funny Anymore

It's official. Telecommunication companies are in the clear. By abetting the illegal, warrant-less wiretapping for the Bush administration’s “war” on terror, seems like everyone but 26 democrats caved in and voted for the new FISA bill. Even Obama, seeming to want to prove he's just another politician with feet of clay, who swore he'd never let them off the hook, now seems to think that he should abuse the constitution as well. Shame on these people. They’re supposed to uphold the constitution, not render it useless by ignoring it.

Oh, but then they have other uses for this sacred document.

Crashing Airplanes Qualifies You To Be President

Where's Amelia Earhart when you could use a good female running mate?

Wes Clark didn't call McCain’s patriotism questionable. He merely stated the obvious. Getting shot down and captured in enemy territory doesn’t exactly speak well as a qualification to be president of the United States. Hell, it doesn’t qualify you to be a janitor at the local high school either.

Move Zig!

Condoleeza Rice revealed today that she was, as suspected, an alien. Returning from yet another shopping trip to the Mid-East and Europe, Rice who prefers to be called Kahndi, suggested that she would “take off every zig for great justice!” Secret Service agents assigned to Ms Rice informed the White House press corps that at least seventeen zigs had been found in the ladies room at the State Department.

Only In America

Where else can you hoodwink a bunch of conservative Americans into believing the same old lies with the same old song and dance? The only thing Bush and McCain don't know is how to play “Pat-a-cake” with the true villains of the world, the Saudis. If Hope and Crosby were still around, they'd make “The Road to Riyad” and give Fisal's heirs a couple of lumps to think about while they were getting both Dorothy Lamour AND the oil.

What makes you think Reagan could do any better than some other actors? B-movie stuff at best.

Bush Awards Medal Of Honor Posthumously.

Now There’s A Handsome Couple!

President Nuri al-Maliki and President Mahmood Ahmadinejad going out on a date in Tehran recently.

We are still trying to prop up puppet heads of state who attempt to sell us their dictatorships as democracies. And we wonder why they turn on us like rabid dogs, embracing their own kind, after “all we’ve done for them.”

We have an idiot for a president living in a fantasy world who thinks his way of doing things is right because he believes there is a God who talks to him and tells him to spread freedom and democracy to countries which have no idea what democracy is because they’ve lived under the guns and knives of petty tyrants forever.

Who’s next on our to do list?