Drinking Games

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” —George Burns

In a vain attempt to show he’s the kinda guy you’d like to have a beer with, President Bush challenged Valdimir Putin to a drinking contest. Whoever could pound down the most shots of Jagermeister would win the world. At a supreme disadvantage because he is, after all, a recovering alcoholic, Bush lost hands down. Everyone will now learn Russian and underwear will be worn on the outside. Cardinal Puff could not be reached for comment.