Obama Tells Rush Limbaugh To "Play With Himself!"

Wearing his semen encrusted golfing shorts, Rush Limbaugh stalks toward an intrepid photographer to demand the film from his digital camera. Rush has continued to play with himself, after President Obama denied him an opportunity to play golf  with him. Since his arrest bringing someone else's prescription  for Viagra into the country from the Dominican Republic, Rush has been seen repeatedly spanking his monkey on the golf course.

When reached for comment, Limbaugh began thrusting his pelvis, grunting, "Uhl, uhl, uhl!"

Imbecilic Hoosier Republicans Nominate North Carolinian Lobbyist To Be Their Candidate For State Senator Senator In Fall Elections

In an unprecedented action, thousands of Hoosiers went to the polls in the primary elections to pick their candidates for all sorts of offices in this fall's election. Among the stupidest moves was the nomination of Dan Coats for GOP candidate for the Senate. Coats, who was born in Michigan, educated in Illinois and received a law degree from Indiana University because it was cheaper there, has distinguished himself as an anti-gun, pro-life, pro big banking politician who once claimed that he questioned Bill Clinton's timing of the attacks on terrorist bases in Afghanistan to divert attention from his affair with Monica Lewinsky.

He served briefly as a senator from Indiana while he was robbing people in Fort Wayne  disguised as a lawyer.

George Bush made him an ambassador to Germany where he pre-rubbed Angela Merkel's shoulders.

When he'd had enough of that gig he became a lobbyist for the banking industry where he could make really big money, and has been extremely influential for the likes of Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, our old friend Chrysler and was instrumental creating the TARP fund which bailed out the banks with money he found in the taxpayers' pockets. And because he was a resident of North Carolina, the morons of Indiana want him for their Senator. He is expected to beat the blue dog democratic party candidate, Brad Ellsworth in the fall general elections.

Obviously, the press honored Coats' request, and not one imbecile in Indiana knew that he was really from North Carolina.

Congressional Bathroom Humor

Mitch McConnell, imbecile senator from Kentucky and his girlfriend John "The Bone" Bohner are all smiles while they take a break from saying, "No!" to the democrats and the country and head to the men's room for a little wide stance drill in the Congressional rest room.

The republicans have steadfastly refused to even bring the bill to reform Wall Street to the senate floor for discussion leading the world to believe that they have something to preserve or gain by allowing the tycoons from the financial district to keep giving them money.

When asked what it would take to get the republicans to open debate on the topic of financial reform, Bohner said, “About a $1,500,000, give or take.”

Travelin’ On With The Taliban, Or How I Plan To Spend My Summer Vacation By Hamid Karzai

In an announcement that surprised practically no one, Hamid Karzai said that if he was pushed around by the international community, specifically the United States, he was going to run away from home and join the circus.

An aid and close confident to Karzai said he saw the Mayor of Kabul looking wistful and packing a bandanna with toothpaste, toilet paper and a few boxes of Capn' Crunch along with a "football" of cash. He also assured the world community, that, “Karzai’s serious, damn it. Come on, guys, honest, he really means it! If you don’t believe me, he will break your back across his knee... like so!”

On his way out the door, Karzai waved to the media and said, “Hakka durka, hakka durka.”

Sarah Palin Says John McCain Spent 5 Years As A POW So You Have The Right To Free Speech.

John McCain threw up in his mouth when she said that. Cindy thought it was funny because she knew he spent five years as a POW because he got shot down over a rice paddy and got captured.

Nothing really ever occurred as a result of his spending all that time there. Certainly nothing to do with the first amendment to the constitution. His bones healed funny and the NVA and the VC got a good confession out of him as a war criminal for dropping bombs on civilians. THAT came from that.

He stayed there for 5 years because his chances of being court martialed because of his confession upon his release were pretty big then. Besides, his first wife had gained weight since he went away and didn't suit him so he divorced her when he finally did get home so he could get back to his wild life of drinking and whoring.

Rush Limbaugh Continues His Tirade

Rush Limbaugh's mouth is getting ahead of his brain lately. He advocates obeying the law, tells a law student to emulate the 60s, go out and smoke marijuana and , who knows, maybe Obama will come out and smoke pot with you, then catches himself advocating breaking the law and backs down. Problem is he's already said what he wants the ditto-heads to hear and act on, but has absolved himself of any wrongdoing.

This guy is a real sack of poop, spreading filth and lies for the benefit of his own enrichment and engorged ego.

P.T. Barnum was wrong a lot less than Limbaugh claims to be.

Urged On By Conservative Media, Republican Mob Threatens Democratic Party Reps And Senators With Violence.

Death Panels Are Official! Death Camps Are Good To Go.

Immoral politicians last evening voted to destroy the America espoused by the radical right. Through their incredible blathering today, the Fox News Network's pundits blustered and fumed over the passage of the Health Care Reform Bill. With spittle on their lips they bellow and used their same besmirching vocabularies to try as best they could to explain how such a thing could happen. They couldn't. But they did sell some product and make noise.

We the People, all 1500 to 2000 foul mouthed wing nuts who had overflowed the street corner near the Capitol, sputtered their epithets and expressed their dismay in a vain attempt to defeat the work of the representatives. Convinced of their righteousness and assured by Limbaugh, Hannity and other bellicose media types, they had a little party and went home.

Hannity is kicking off his Conservative Victory Tour. What was the victory? The Republicans definitely lost. He's also got another book for sale.

Oh, yeah, and President Obama has a veto for the next three years, so you can forget about repealing this bill until then at the earliest.

Health Care Bill Passes House Vote.

While John Boehner was either in the men's room practicing his wide stance or the tanning booth at the House chamber, the democrats managed to finally push the Health Care Reform Bill through. After myriad fits and starts and procedural votes on points of procedure, hours of stalling and posturing with fake debate, the 2500 pound sausage was carried around the chamber and applauded like the village hero chaired through the market place.

Republican minority leader Boehner knocked back a few bourbons and addressed the media, saying, "What's good for the American people, is good for the country. Thank you and God bless the United States of America. "

I'm Glad I Didn't Watch.

If I would have watched, I would have seen this. And this is as bad as the picture I have in my head of Rahm Emmanuel confronting Eric Massa in the showers at the Congressional gym.

As Count Floyd would say, "Ooh, that's scary!"

How’s That Hopey Changey Thingy Workin’ Out For Ya?

It would appear that Sarah has been doing more for Alaska than Barack Obama has been accused of trying to do for the United States. She actually brags about how her bilking of the big oil companies has enabled her to redistribute to the citizens of Alaska a hefty little paycheck every year as long as Exxon, BP and the rest of the drill here, drill now crazies keep tearing up the north slope.

Windfall profit taxes on Big Oil are here to stay in Alaska. Increasing state tax is OK with the Republicans. It's increasing federal taxes they have a problem with. It might get them kicked out of their cushy jobs in Washington. Anyway, Robin Hood and her merry band of Socialists have already worked their magic for the poor people of Northwood Forest and are movin’ on to a run for the White House in 2012.

How are those free building supplies paid for by Wallisa workin’ out for ya, Todd?

I Think I Found Someone To Sue...uh, Maybe...

“Don't get mad. Get everything! ” —Ivana Trump

Now, if I could only find an English solicitor who would work for free! My flaming minions and I would be rich and famous and hold dominion over the world! Someone would finally notice me. My life would be complete.

I am persecuted, reviled and besmirched. My reputation suffers from the slings and arrows of the truth, and they called me names.

Laugh at me, will they? These insults are almost as real if not entirely imagined. My enemies will pay!

I will have my revenge! Bwah,hahahahahahahah!
Uh, oh. Is that someone at the door?

Why Would Haitians Make A Pact With This Man?

Because he's the only one who knows about the deal. I mean, Napoleon lived a long time ago, and those who bargained with the devil to throw off the yoke of French oppression are certainly long dead.

But the devil is obviously immortal and is alive and well in the likes of Pat Robertson. This filthy minded, self-righteous hypocrite dares to tempt God’s hand with his blasphemy? If there were a God, Robertson would be dead. That he’s alive proves God’s non-existence.

This creepy wad of filth belongs under a ten ton block of concrete, conscious and aware, with his life oozing out of his ears.

Rush Limbaugh Damns Obama To Hell, Gets There First. Congratulates Himself On His Prescience.

Nauseating windbag and inveterate bigot, Rush Limbaugh, continues his vendetta against President Obama and his efforts to bring order to a badly fragmented country. Ever delighting in his growing power over the mental midgets of this country, Limbaugh constantly hectors the President and purveys the selfish conservative values which have made this country the laughingstock of humanity.

Proclaiming that Obama is deliberately ruining the country "on purpose" sounds like Darren McGavin telling his wife she used up all the glue in Christmas Story. Limbaugh points to the president’s efforts to provide health care for the country as some sort of monstrous plot, his efforts to stimulate the economy as the “pork-u-lous” bill, a strange thing for a greedy pig like Rush to say.

He blames all of America’s ills on Obama rather than the selfish goals of people like himself, who through chicanery and exploitation of those less intelligent and more in need, continue to pull the wool over almost everyone’s eyes.

Of what possible use is the destruction of this country to President Obama? To what end does it benefit anyone?

Woods of Metal. Feet of Clay.

Oh, how the mighty are fallen. However it only goes to show you how hypocritical the human beast is.

The other lesson to be learned here, once again, and perhaps the most importantly, is that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially if she is wielding a golf club.

Sarah Does It Again!

As is her wont to do, Sarah Palin has gone hog wild once again with a big book-tour, kicking off her 2012 presidential run only a “smidgen” early. When asked why she had beaten her deadline by nearly six months and was promoting the book so soon, Sarah said, “I like money.”

When asked if anyone would remember her in 2012, her reply was, “Yah, you betcha!”

Then she did what her slogan said, and the crowd went wild. The rest is history.

Anticipating 2012

Open season on wolves. Shooting them from aircraft is really sporting. Well maybe not so sporting as viciously cruel. It would be too bad if Sarah got lost in the woods without her rifle. I wonder what kind of bounty one of her severed legs brings?

Rush Limbaugh Is Dying For Your Sins!

A tearful Rush Limbaugh, weeping inconsolably, went on the air during his radio show at the EIB network choking back tears and racist epithets. His weeping was for himself and his suffering at the hands of the NFL and it players who refused to support his bid of ownership. When reached for comment, deceased NFL union president Gene Upshaw said, “I feel bad for Rush’s dream of owning the Rams, but most of the black players in the NFL long ago grew tired of his racist remarks, and being owned by a white man still kinda goes against the grain, if you know what I mean.”

Nonetheless, Rush soldiered on ranting against all manner of enemies, real and imagined. Tearfully thanking all his supporters, athletic and family and blaming the war on “conservatism.” He now calls everyone a racist. If you attack Rush, you are a racist. And any of these racists who attack him are attacking you Americans...at leas those dim bulbs who listen to him.

In case you didn't know Rush, your party and the conservatives actually lost the election. Leader of the Republican party or not, Rush, you lost, and you will lose again because about 60% of this country is for success of both Obama and the country you claim has been hi-jacked “on purpose.” Purpose being, according to you, that this is a great conspiracy designed to ruin the country. I ask you what possible purpose could that be. It’s the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot before you run the marathon. I believe Mr. Linbaugh is truly as insane as his wanna be cohort, Glenn Beck, the other FOX crybaby.

Go froth and mortify, Rush. Self-pity really becomes you.

Glenn Beck Really Is Insane! No. Really!

Anyone who can go from saying, from his own personal experience, that the United States has the worst health care in the world to a complete about face to say it has the best health care in the world to serve his own purpose is not only a manifest liar, but a lunatic. I say that primarily because he tearfully believes what he is saying to be the truth.

His poor drug and alcohol addled brain has him sobbing about his great patriot dreams while he gets mad as hell and is not gonna take it anymore without really ever explaining what it is he ain’t gonna take.
And anyone who can single-handedly lose over 60 sponsors for his network has got to be a horrible liability. The mere fact that he's not quaking in his boots, pissing and shitting in terror, has me convinced that he is truly a nut-job.

You wanna keep that sacred underwear clean now, ya hear, Glenn?

It’s Good To Be Him.

“A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance
when the need for illusion is deep.”—Saul Bellow

The inordinate amount of power this genius wields over the under-educated American is frightening. The police blotters are full of this type of moronic, knee-jerk reactionary bumpkin. The rest of them are making their homes at Town Hall meetings, yelling, carrying guns and generally making a public nuisance of themselves.

Thanks, Rush. You tie half your brain behind your back and laugh all the way to the bank because, even as a brain damaged moron, you can still outwit these imbeciles and make them believe your impossible lies. Hope that cyst on your butt never heals. If it does, you'll be mute the rest of your life.

Bull Goose Looney Steps Out, Calls It Quits!

“Winners never quit and quitters never win.” —Vince Lombardi

It’s strange to see how others see themselves. I'm sure Robert Burns would be amused with Sarah Palin. The self-delusional governor of Alaska threw it all in the dumper in what William Kristol referred to as “crazy like a fox” ramblings, in an incoherent speech. The speech , if indeed it can be called that, was insane from the aspect that she didn't have to raise all the questions. No one would have suspected lame duck or quitter if she hadn’t said anything about them. Same withFBI investigations.

Obviously she couldn't take the heat, so she left the kitchen to go fishing for sockeye salmon. Makes a lot of sense for an ambitious narcisist with a hand full of gimme and a mouth full of much obliged. And to blame the blogs and the press for picking on her and her family when it's only a natural feeding frenzy that every controversial public figure has to suffer, is beyond comprehension. I guess she deserved better.

And if she thinks she's gonna make a comeback from nowhere in 2012, she is truly a whack-job!

Bernie Madoff, The Man Who Screwed A Nation

This is the face that launched a thousand fits. The crook of all time. His attorneies were hoping to get him off with twelve years. Boy, were they surprised. 150 big ones is what Judge Chin handed Bernie. Guess he'll never see the promised land again.

And no remorse. He'd do it all over again if he had the chance, and since his wife, Ruth, ends up with $2.5 million more than any of his victims, I'm sure she'd do it all again as well. It also sounds like Bernie was actually doing it all over the place, too, according to his little black book filled with masseuses. He's gonna enjoy the big house big time, something tells me. Or it him.

This Man IS A War Ciminal

To be arrested on sight. Dick Cheney should be handcuffed and manacled, taken to a prison and water boarded until he confesses to his crimes, then put on a Lear jet and sent directly to the Hague to stand trial. I believe he might admit that water boarding is actually torture if his pacemaker doesn't blow a gasket and kill him first. After having his fair trial, he should be hanged.

As Jesse Ventura said, “Give me Dick Cheney, a board, a bucket of water and one hour and I'll have him confessing to the murder of Sharon Tate.”

Evil, pure and simple. This man has no soul.

Limbaugh Pukes The Truth

The main problem with Rush Limbaugh's truth is that it is a lie. Our former Vice President and war criminal, Dick Cheney thinks he's a better Republican that Colin Powell, former general and Secretary of State.

As spokesman for selfish wastefulness, Rush has done a magnificent job of fomenting dissent throughout the nation. As self-proclaimed champion of all seven deadly sins, Limbaugh lauds the abuse of energy, urging people to keep their lights on constantly, turn up their heat till they roast in the winter, turn down the AC til their houses frost over in the summer and drive the biggest gas guzzlers in the world to use up all the gas and pollute the atmosphere until the sky turns the color of raw umber. (For those of you in Rio Linda, that's yellow-brown.)

This human wad of filth and phlegm denigrates anyone with a different viewpoint than his own and insists that he and all his capitalist rapist buddies, those captains of industry who curse the unions and use the common worker to their own ends are responsible for any greatness this country may claim to. This bat-wing puking fat-cat pretends to be one of the little people so he can sell you Bellau Wood flooring, Zicam®, Sleep Number ™ beds, and whatever automotive Behemoth GM makes in order to be paid $400 million on his contract with Clear Channel Radio.

He does this all with the utmost humility, his psyche handicapped by having half his brain tied behind his back and his intellect on load from God. Just don't stand in his way when he wants to tell you the truth.

The GOP Has Found Its Voice At Last

I guarantee he speaks for all conservatives, all the noble Americans who espouse life, liberty and the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Yes, none other than Rush Phlegmball speaks for you, speaks for me. Not those long-haired maggot infested liberals who want to take over your country. Problem is it's their country too, and judging by the election last fall, about 56% of the entire country voted for the man Rush would like to fail. It would appear he wants the country to fail as well. What could a president possibly hope to gain by destroying his own country, I ask myself. Absolutely nothing. If Obama fails, we all fail. Oh, maybe not Rush. After all he's got his sweet deal and $400 million. He's also got a private jet and the Dominican Republic and all those wonderful boys are not that far away. If you've got money, who needs a country?

Rüsh Never Stops. The National Conservative Party Never Stops!

Conservatism equates with your basic preservation of a national system. Nationalism. You love your country. To the point that you will try to destroy anything that would attempt to change your myopic, narrow-minded view of the world. You have an opinion, and unfortunately for you, it is so limited in scope that you can and will not see the future. In other words, you are doomed.

You flounder about in your own excrement. You curse what is and pine for what you never had. You are alone with your greatest enemy, yourself...and you hate it worse than death.

Limbaugh Becomes A Neighborhood Organizer In Somalia

Yes, it's official. Rush Limbaugh has decided to forgo his lucrative $400 million job as a talk show host behind the golden EIB microphone to join up with Somali youths in an effort to convince young Somalis to join the maritime recruitment movement of that country.

As the primary advocate for the conservative, capitalist lifestyle, Rush is expecting as many as seven recruits to be persuaded by his hyperbole and join his cause against the President of the United States and his vicious handling of innocent teenagers. Rush has suffered some disappointments lately, especially in the area of only being able to convince three people to wish failure for our new and untested president.

“I’m expecting to get a lot of mileage out of this one,” said Rush. “A few nautical miles, anyway.”

Limbaugh Sides With Priates Against Obama

In a surprise move, Rush Limbaugh shocked the country by branding Barrack Obama a murderer for ordering the deaths of Somali Muslim pirates. The great windbag portrayed the pirates as teenage wannabe maritime recruiters for the country of Somalia. They only want to keep their country safe from invaders.

Rush maintains that the media would have proclaimed Bush a murderer for doing the same, so he sees nothing wrong with applying his aberrant logic to our current president's desire to end piracy on the high seas and save a captain's life.

I haven't heard Rush's solution to the problem, but I'm sure it has something to do with suing Al Gore for pushing global warming and paying ransom to the Somali teenagers out of his own swollen wallet.

Thanks, Rush. You're a saint.

Rush Limbaugh, America's Only Hope

That's nice, because with him, we are doomed. We're condemned to drink the Kool-Aid he purveys so that we may all become good conservatives just like him. We must hope that Obama's policies fail, so Sarah Palin can seize power and lead us on aerial wolf hunts and abortion clinic bombings and doctor murders. Yeah, right.

All hail the lovable little fuzzball. Look at him, children. He's as ugly as the lies he spreads!

You Betcha! Yah!

Sarah Palin is the biggest pain in the neck. She simply will not go away. She seems to generate great interest among the great hordes of Republicans who have nothing to live for. Their party has no one to whom the hopeless can turn except for the likes of Rush Slimeball to lead their cause.

Because she talks funny, Sarah holds their rapt attention. She is hard to understand and one needs great concentration to translate the accent into cogent English. If she is the best they've got, I really feel sorry for their plight in 2012. And poor Trig will be dragged around on the stage for years like the stage prop he's become.

The saddest thing is that she actually believes she's got a chance to be president. Yikes!